[quote]For instance, one of my best friends (Army Vet too) was attractive, funny and smart, and single. But she really wanted to meet the "right guy". I asked her what she was looking for in a man and she sent me a typed single spaced page, fully filled in, of what she HAD TO HAVE in a man. Almost everything was a "dealbreaker"...
she's still single...get it?
Very interesting...also, I have a theory about what we REALLY want...esp if we have a child.
My Caveman Theory...
I like to think if I were home in the cave with an infant, and my h went out to hunt & gather, that I could count on him to come back with some meat or berries and not empty handed, while our nursing baby cries from hunger. If there were scary noises at night, I like to think my h would not hide behind me, but would go investigate with his club, while I protect the child. I'd back him up to be sure, but I"d want him in front. As a feminist, a part of me feels a tad embarrassed, but as a mother, (& a smaller person than my h,) I'm more & more comfortable admitting it. I feel differently now than I did before I had kids. I never ever planned on being a sahm, but I'm lucky I could be one.
Charles Mee wrote a play called "Big Love" (nothing to do with polygamy) that encapsulates the demands on men and women better than anything I've read or seen elsewhere. The male lead describes how hard (and unfair) it is for a man to have to be "ready to Kill or die" and in the next breath, be "ready to make love or comfort a dying friend, tenderly"...
Yes, we do expect both the "sensitive guy" and the "killer caveman" bringing home the meat. Or at least almost all of my friends and I do. It's Not easy to be a man today. And the monologue the lead female had, was a monologue about women today. It was great- described our dilemmas about being strong independent modern women, who aren't "needy" & can contribute income/"meat & berries" to the storage pile in the cave, and yet somehow we ALSO have to play the role of "make him feel like a man", and nurture in the home.
[b]Expectations matter. But we have to know what they are.[/b]
