WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 3

[25yearsmlc]

PS

While it's true that examples of respect are partly based on what NOT to do, e.g., it's also important to tell her what you DO want.

Obviously, NO yelling, berating, or sniping and no interrupting your spouse while they're talking.

ANY of thi^^^ behavior, in public, is abhorrent.

One doesn't cut off affection from their spouse b/c one doesn't punish one's spouse, ever. Let me repeat that for emphasis. There's no place in a marriage for punishing a spouse, or "teaching them a lesson". EVER.

If you feel hurt, you express that with words, and sometimes, with SHORT LIVED retreating. Apologies are accepted graciously, even if you're not ready to "make nice."

If they engage in dealbreaking behavior and know it, you leave, NOT to punish, but to live your life by your rules and boundaries.

See the difference?


What do you do, to show respect? You'll have to come up with what your view of respect is but

being listened to, being welcomed home, acknowledging the spouses entrance/return into a room--not ignoring--demonstrating interest in their lives/interests are essentials.

(Maybe she'll read Dale Carnegie's book on "How to Win Friends & Influence People" if she doesn't know about asking people questions about themselves with follow up & interest...That stuff WORKS in life and careers. I don't know anything about her family and it's possible she hasn't seen smart, respectful people interacting).


You show respect by not interrupting your spouse, and while they are talking, you don't simply ponder your next volley/retort,

You listen actively to what they are saying.


No sighing when they speak, no rolling of eyes. (Both of those behaviors have been found to correlate with feelings of contempt for your spouse. They are factors in divorce, btw. So those behaviors have to be nipped in the bud. We all have done it, but we can all stop it.)



Speaking/acting in their love language is loving AND respectful.


Try to think of some specifics you can visualize so she'll know what you mean.
Good luck!
((( )))