well, it's not so much what I'm doing "these days", it's what I've been doing for the past few years starting in 2006 and started "being myself" again, which included (and still includes):
- left the big boring job I had grown to hate and took my freelance consulting business full-time (I'm a software engineer and started working for startups and small companies all over the country, specializing in building teams, getting them up and running, and trying to help the leadership figure out how to make money...and it's been a total blast)
- got back to lifting weights and running...been in the best shape of my life since my early 20s
- I was an amateur, occasionally paid (not often enough!) musician and guitar junky when I got married, and aside from playing around the house and with the kids, hadn't done much...so I picked up my guitars again, started studying music seriously again, and playing a lot and writing music
- when i start feeling a little shaky about things and feel like I'm in danger of reverting to past bad behavior, or just when I need to figure things out, I still see our previous MC by myself, which has been crucial for me
The new career path has meant I can work from home most of the time, with occasional interesting travel, which has been cool. I challenged the kids to quit playing so much Guitar Hero and just learn an instrument, and to my surprise they both did, so I've gotten to spend time just jamming with them at home. My oldest discovered he had a great singing voice so he's in college majoring in Music, and also plays and sings at events, weddings, etc., all over our area. Was finally able to always be at the kids activities and sports, every time, and have been the one who took them to school, picked them up, etc...at least until they start/started driving. With it being just me and my younger son at home, with the older one away at college most of the year, he and I have gotten closer with all the time together...he's my gym buddy and my fishing buddy, and being at home all the time, while occasionally challenging in terms of making him see that I DO have to work lol, there have been a lot of times where we've just been able to spontaneously hang out for a while, either just me and him or sometimes with his friends too, all of which has been super cool for me.
So there's been a tremendous amount of good going on, and that I've been able to do, that occurred as a result of going through what we went through, and that I may not have done otherwise...sadly, the only thing that hasn't really improved has been the marriage; the rest of my life has really been better than I ever thought possible when W first dropped the bomb in 2006.
And that's the thing...rather than being devastated because she "was my life", I am simply very sad and very disappointed that things are not working out, but things have changed enough for me that I can get through it without being crushed. Oh, I have moments where i get moody about it, probably always will because this marriage has always been important to me. But, really, I think I've been doing the best I can with the way things are and if she doesn't like me now, so be it.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
