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You're in a good place and getting stronger every day. Congratulations on all the successes you've had *despite* all that has been thrown at you!


Me 43 W 38
M 5 T 7
SD20
S15, S13 with 1st W
ILYBNILWY June 2010
Separation/Bomb July 2010
Divorce Feb 8, 2011
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Originally Posted By: LearningPatience
You're in a good place and getting stronger every day. Congratulations on all the successes you've had *despite* all that has been thrown at you!


Thanks my BID. It sure has been one heck of a ride. I'm sure there will be more thrown at me, and when there is I will deal with that just like everything else. Sometimes I wonder how STBX can be so selfish. Sometimes I think she actually wants to punish and hurt me since she has so much resentment towards me.

And sometimes....I think she's just so infatuated with OM/Boss that she only cares about filling her veins with the drug that he is.

And sometimes...I just don't care.


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


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I dropped S17 off at work today (he works for STBX and OM/Boss - as does his sister). When I pulled up the the back door to let him out, OM was outside smoking. Just seeing him for even a second really got to me. Only his car was there and not STBX's. Which means they drove to work together since they live in the same apartment building (and soon same apartment). Just thinking of them doing everything together as a couple got to me even more. I had to come her to purge and get the negative thoughts out. Sometimes, I wonder how much I can take.


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


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Be,

Your list is impressive.


That $1000 a month, might not be a legal document, but it sets up legal precedence for later.

As for seeing the OM...

5 years later I still get flashes of hurt if I think about it...momentary and quick, but there none the less.

Any chance your son would understand if you dropped him off out of view of the parking lot?

Quote:

Sometimes, I wonder how much I can take.


Not to be trite, but sounds like about another year.

When we LBS imagine what its like for them, we tend to glamorize it. Earth shattering sex, gourmet dinners, giggle whispers and endless "I love yous", making fun of the LBS and our pathetic lifestyle. Fantastic getaway weekends.

And that...is not what real life is. She farts in bed and he has pimples on his ass.

You are in a better place Be, you're a better more complete person.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
She farts in bed and he has pimples on his ass.


I think I'll put this in my sig....


BITS

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
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Be my guest CS. : )



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Be,

Your list is impressive.


That $1000 a month, might not be a legal document, but it sets up legal precedence for later.

As for seeing the OM...

5 years later I still get flashes of hurt if I think about it...momentary and quick, but there none the less.

Any chance your son would understand if you dropped him off out of view of the parking lot?

Quote:

Sometimes, I wonder how much I can take.


Not to be trite, but sounds like about another year.

When we LBS imagine what its like for them, we tend to glamorize it. Earth shattering sex, gourmet dinners, giggle whispers and endless "I love yous", making fun of the LBS and our pathetic lifestyle. Fantastic getaway weekends.

And that...is not what real life is. She farts in bed and he has pimples on his ass.

You are in a better place Be, you're a better more complete person.





Actually she never farted in bed in over 20 years....and I am not sure a pimple on the ass of society can have pimples on his ass.

I would love to not take any risk of seeing OM or STBX when I drop off S17, but dropping him off elsewhere would make me look weak to him and also to STBX and OM. I at least, want her to think it's no big deal to me anymore.

Sometimes, I do think their life together is awesome for them. But then I remember that is (be her admission) a liar and also a dyed in the wool cheater. I doubt the stress level at the restaurant is any better now that they are openly involved. He has his divorce upcoming. STBX is still dealing with many health issues. As far as I know they are both still drinking and smoking themselves to death. So...yeah...maybe I do make their life too glamorous.

One thing I do believe is true - that they do snicker about me and make fun of the fact that I never did anything about their EA and most likely PA that has been going on for years.

They both wanted each other for sooooo long, but I suppose it doesn't mean they are happy now, or will be in the future. It's so hard not to keep scorecards.


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


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Wow...some typing in that post! Too late too edit. I meant "but then I remember that he is (by her admission) a liar.


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


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If (when) I make it through today in darkness, I will have hit the 2 week mark.

Today when I drop S17 off at work, I am going to give him some stuff to give to STBX. I had a bog box of stuff I found while cleaning out the basement and closets, but she told him she doesn't have room in her apartment (she does!) and gave him the speech about the house still being half hers.

Anyway, I put the big box back in the basement, but the small container has some mail, old passport and even a couple of cards I gave her years ago. There is even one from our first anniversary. Yes, I am giving them to take a little shot at her, but I figure if they are packed with other things and I make no comment, it won't look like it. I think this is a good time to give her a small reminder of what our marriage actually was like.

There is another card that I had placed in our room prior to arriving at a resort in Mexico a few years ago. That particular one was our favourite ever. Ironically, when she and OM/Boss went away a few months ago, they (I think) stayed at a resort owned by the same chain. The card says something like "Let's make this week the best one ever. After 20 years it's nice to be excited to see you in a bikini". That's the kind of romantic man I actually was in our marriage - the kind of man who would email the resort in another country just to have a card waiting for his wife on arrival at a 5 star resort! She deserves a little reminder of that.

I would only admit all of that here in my safe place. I am not expecting any reaction from her,so there will be no letdown when there isn't one.

On to day 14 of darkness....


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


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BTM,
gotta support the brothers in darkness, but I have to question the thoughts behind giving her the cards. You admit it's to take a little shot at her, but do you *really* want to take out the anger on her? OK, I know you do, human nature, but it's wasted energy on your part. The energy it takes you to have a little revenge is energy that can be used for your own healing and growth.

In other words, do things that are going to bring you *up* rather than her *down*.

I suspect that giving her a small reminder of your marriage may backfire. She's not in the frame of mind for that.

Besides, you aren't going to see her reaction, and half the fun in pranking someone is seeing that reaction smile

Good luck on the dark!


Me 43 W 38
M 5 T 7
SD20
S15, S13 with 1st W
ILYBNILWY June 2010
Separation/Bomb July 2010
Divorce Feb 8, 2011
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