AC, I just spent some time catching up with your sitch...we have similar issues we're dealing with: we are somewhat close in ages (I'm 55, W is 48), W's are still home, but unpredictable and unreadable; we are the sole cause of everything wrong in the world; the precision and finality our W's have used to cut us out of their lives is hard to believe; and for us, going home is usually a source of anxiety.
Game face, baby...gotta keep up the appearance that you're OK, even if you feel like crashing. When I first joined here 3 months ago, I read all of the advice about 180s, GAL, going dark, "as if"...and I thought to myself, "There is no way I will be able to pull any of that off, and even if I do, it will never work." Well, W and I are far from having a good R or M, but we are closer than we were 3 months ago. I will be as friendly, cordial and attractive as I can be around her, and it usually disarms her black attitude (not always, but more times than not). It's not a ruse, or a ploy...it's who I genuinely want to be, for myself, for her, for others. Then I can go somewhere private and fall apart.
Reinvent yourself. Focus on you, not her. She's the center of her own world right now; nobody can change that except her.
I posted this earlier this morning, but I'll share it again with you:
"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday...and all is well."
All may not be well, but it's probably not as bad as you thought it would be.
Stay the course.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
