One foot out the door, the other on a rug....

[luvmyhubby]

Funny how this process is very manic! I was okay yesterday until the drive home and then i started to get frantic and mad. That is one thing think i havent done yet is get mad. I took my son to an appointment and hadnt contacted my H since the morning other than for some bill stuff and the kids. About 6:00 he sent me a text asking about the kids and I saw it but chose to ignore it for a while. I waited a good forty minutes before replying that my son was doing well but my D was not doing well. She was whiney, clingy and fighting with her brother. Then he talked to them on the phone for a while and when they handed the phone back to me he had hung up. That really hurt me and made me cry.....
After we were home and getting ready for bed my D started to cry for her dad which made me cry. I called him crying and explained the situation and he talked to her and then when the phone was returned to me again he had hung up. This time i called him back and asked why he had hung up and he said he was coming over. When he arrived I greeted him happily and then stayed away while he played with the kids. My D cried and begged him to stay home etc and I know it hurt him a lot.

I was very angry at him and I wanted to say a lot of things like why are you hurting me, our family and our kids? I wanted to call him selfish and on and on.. I kept my anger in check and smiled and wished him a good evening and took care of my D.
My D wouldnt calm down until she could sleep in his spot in our bed..
He came this morning to pick them up and he is keeping them with him all day which is good for them. I made him a cup of coffee the way he likes and put it in a to go mug for him and he seemed thankful. He told me he didnt sleep at all last night and I listened to him and told him that I understood it was hard for him. He also mentioned going to the doctor to get some medicine something which his mom and I had both requested a week or so ago and this made me happy. I left it in his hands though...

One thing he said that made me sad was when he was getting ready to leave. He said that he would wants to get the kids and take them for a whole day every week. I think this hurt because it seems to extend the time he is away longer than I am praying for. I know he needs his time I just wonder if he will outlast me..

Im still praying for him and our family several times a day!

_______________
H:31
W: 34
M- 11
Tog- 13
D-5
S-8
Seperated living apart
He has been this way for about 6 weeks...