Following day she said that over the night feelings came over her that she loved me but was not sure if she was in love with me anymore. She also felt lost and not sure of her postion anymore, no doubt due to daughter at Uni.
You can speculate what is going on in her head and the why's but you will just find frustration.......
Frustration because you are desparately trying to apply "reason" to a situation that is totally absent of "reason"....
It will tear you apart......
She will change her mind constantly, say one thing then do another.
You will see glimpses of your old wife and think....
"ahhhh, she's back!!!!" only to be hurt yet again when she does the things she does and says the things she says.
Unless you are the most patient, understanding, compassionate, resilient person that ever walked the earth, you WILL NOT be able to take the pain from the debris that will come flying at you from the tornado your W has created around herself.
Keep your distance, do not engage, let her spin......it is hard to watch the person you love so much hurt themselves but it is the only way throught this.
If this is MLC, you will be dealing with a very ugly monster. The tendency will be to sit there and stare as you watch the carnage. Reading the resource threads will help you understand what she is going through and help you chart YOUR path.
While this forum and MWD's books are about saving your marriage the most important thing you can do is.....
SAVE YOURSELF FIRST !!!!!!
Spending too much time watching the tornado rip through your life will rob you of time that you could be spending working on YOU.
This time is a gift......USE it!!!
We will sometimes challenge people who come here to put themselves in their spouses shoes and list what would be their spouse's marital complaints about them........
That is a good place to start but far too many (like myself) try to quick fix those issues and run back to the wayward spouse and say....." Look!!! I changed, come back!!!"
BIG MISTAKE, that most make.....I did.
What are some of the things you would like to change about you???
How would you make a better YOU ????
Get in shape???
Get a better job????
Be more involved with the kids???
Read a book???
Take up a hobby or sport???
Be a better listener???
Be more compassionate, more patient, more understanding???
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Get the idea?????
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
