I think it's a MLC

[Punktmann]

Light, I asked a lot of the same stuff. Some of it matters, some not.

Is it MLC?

Only you can decide if this is close enough to an MLC to treat it that way. Imagine texting your mechanic when your car has died, he can't smell the antifreeze... Reading the resources will help decide your approach.


Is there an affair?

Again, only you know what is normal behavior and not.

Occam's Razor.


Honestly, from hindsight, an affair is a symptom, not the disease. Been around a while, and still really believe that.

"Really really," as Donkey would say.

That includes "emotional affairs." Not the problem, just a symptom of it.



Do I snoop through the phone, (or diary, or car, or purse, or gymbag, or laundry, and etc...)?

No.

Let me repeat that. No.

What do you hope to find? More proof? More things to confront her with? Oh, here's one, a solid no denial case that she slept with someone!!

Compared to where you are right now......What the F are you gonna do with any of that?

Right now, confronting her with that info is pressure, and only serves to drive her further from you in a defensive posture.

Pressure is the last thing you want to create with her.

Pressure justifies the "bad" feelings she is associating with you right now.

That just builds the next steps, "I feel like you are always telling me what to do... etc."

I'm not telling you to roll over and tap out here, this is where you set boundaries, etc.


Dude, don't snoop.

If you're looking for evidence in a fault driven divorce case to destroy her, fire away. But I don't think that's why you're here.


If you're looking for things to hold over her head while you rebuild your marriage.....

It don't work that way. So leave that snooping alone.

We're on your side. Buy the books, read them. Post a lot. Heed the replies.

Best.

Shep