New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[AloneAt35]

Thank you dbmod and thank you 25yearsMLC!

dbmod, I remember you telling me that I might not see results for 8-12 weeks or a bit longer, that certainly seems to be the case - he's moving full speed ahead with OW and I'm wiping the dust out of my eyes. dbmod, where do you get this incredible confidence that things with the OW will blow up? I wish I could say that I shared your confidence in karmic equilibrium!

25yearsMLC, I truly admire how you handled your sitch and the advice you give. Just so you know, I have seen a lawyer. She was very helpful but unfortunately we moved to a state that does not recognize common law partnerships a few years ago for his work. (Its funny, when we moved here, I mentioned that I felt insecure about it and he once again - as he always did - told me that financially, I never had anything to worry about because he would never leave and I was the sole beneficiary of all of his assets and insurance policies.) Nonetheless, I asked the lawyer if there was anything, anything at all that I was entitled to beyond just a division of our joint property and she said "no". To answer your other questions, the domestic partnership medical benefits are just a product of his employer's largesse to attract good candidates...he can't wait to get me off of them, possibly so he can get married.

I spent the day submitting more and more resumes - its a disheartening economy that I've literally been "dumped" into. I have a college degree but its not helping me much. I hope to relocate to a nearby city, so that is where I am applying. There is nothing where I am right now.

Ex-partner called today, he was talking about resolving the same logistical issues as always, and came to same conclusions he always does, though set no firm dates. Although its been almost two weeks since we've spoken, we had the exact same conversation we always do. We've now had this conversation VERBATIM three times:

Him: "OW doesn't want me having contact with you. OW says she'll leave me if she finds out I had contact with you. OW says, 'if you so much as speak to her, its over.' I asked my friends if this was normal, and they said 'yes, its normal.' So I guess I have to respect OW's wishes and not contact you."

Me: "Okay, then why did you call?" (In my head I think, 'Boy, she certainly sounds like a charming and secure woman.')

Him: "I wanted to see if you needed help?...if you're doing okay?...if we could go to the bank together and close out XXXXX account?...if you thought the bedroom looked weird without any of my clothes in it?..."

My answers are always the same: "I'm fine, I'm making do, friends/family are helping, yes we can go to the bank whenever you want but please give me a day's notice, the bedroom looks 'nicer' not 'weird' without your clothes in there, and no, I won't tell OW you called - I don't even know how I WOULD tell OW you called since I don't know where your new house is..."

Me: "So WHEN would you like to go to the bank, I am free every day this week."

Him: "I don't know, I'll get back to you."

Why are we having this circular conversation? Just to remind me that he is not the same logical, decisive, rational man I loved?? Poor guy, at least he seems to be functioning at work okay.