Letting go is hard to do!

[Seminolewind]

I thank everyone for the thoughts that help me clear the fog that develops in my head. After reading what happened below I am sure I am going to look just as bad as my WAW. I need a kick in the pants or something to get me back on track in my crazy life.

Well over the weekend I did something that I regret. I have been telling everyone that I would not date or do anything that would put me in a situation that I might regret. I want my kids to be proud of their dad and I feel I have made a mistake that I will regret for a long time. Well just add alcohol and let the mistakes begin. I will not blame the alcohol for my mistakes, I will man up and own my mistakes. I guess now I am just as bad as my W only I feel like an idiot for letting it happen. The thing that bothers me most is I have told this woman before that I was not ready to get involved with anyone at this time. To be honest on Friday night I was at another get together with a different group of friends and a woman tried kissing me and I was able to stop that before it even got started. She at least called me and apologized telling me she understood where I was at in my life and didn’t want me to think bad of her. Then Saturday I was at a what I would call a garage party out in the country. I wasn’t going to drive, so I was going to have fun with no worries. Well as the night progressed I managed to have a good time nothing extremely exciting just a bunch of laughing and funny people. It was getting late and the cigarette smoke was bothering me so I went outside and was talking to a friend. This woman came up and joined our conversation and after a bit my buddy went back inside. Me and this woman talked for a while and I told the woman that I was ready to go back inside and regrettably I will say that I never made it back into the party. The worst part is now I kind of feel like she planned on making something happen. I have been overwhelmed with guilt and I really don’t know what to think about me right now. I know what I did was not in my best interest for me or my situation. Now what? I was faithful to my vows for over 18 years of marriage. Even with what my wife is doing with the OM I feel like crap! I have now created another difficult step in this process.

I know as humans we are not perfect, but when you know in your head certain things are not supposed to happen and you let them it upsets the process.

This is not something I ever wanted to post about, but I needed to vent!