Its a new month and it's freezing here in Oz. The H has gone MIA and I have come down with the mother of all colds.
Hardly any contact from H last week. Spent that aweful hour with him at dinner last Wednesday nite. Then nothing. Expected this so not upset at all.
Received a text last nite asking when H could see S3 this week. I said anytime just let me know when and what time. He says great I'll see you Wednesday. Hmmmm....me thinks not! I'm not having a repeat of last week.
I finding that i am getting stronger every day/week. I'm not the same pathetic person I was when H first left. I could barely keep food down. I cried for days on end. Now, well I'm still sad and sometimes i get mad. But most of the time I just plug along thinking of things that might make my life better more richer/fullfilling. I think about where I might live and how I'm going to afford it. I think about where I'll go on holiday and how i'll save up for it.
I'm not scared anymore. I know I'll b ok. Infact better than ok. Is it normal to feel this way? If u had asked me two months ago if I wanted my H and M back, I would have not have hesitated. Of course i do! Today is a different story. The truth is I don't know. I haven't felt loved by H for a long time so this empty feeling that I have right now isn't that different.
The truth is he never gave me the time of day during the week. He was too busy with his work or the gym. Then on weekends it was the same story. So the fog seems to have cleared for me. My marriage wasn't that great. H wasn't that great and probably in turn neither was I.
So where does that leave me? Ive realised i need to create my own happiness. No more codependency for me. Heres what I plan to do:
- concentrate on being the best mum I can be. have heaps of fun/expeiences with S3 - concentrate on my work and do a course - lead a healthy life. Continue going to the gym and not eat junk food. - spend more time with friends and enjoy life - go on a holiday with just S3
The show must and will go on. How will it end? Who knows? It's only just begun....
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
