Kind of lost mentally. Was here a few years ago after discovering my wife's long-term, serious adultery. Went from being a wreck to actually getting things together enough with a local marriage counselor that we were able to keep things moving forward for a while. We were getting closer, thought things were going well...then, she just started withdrawing again, and in short order we were back in the same old mess with our marriage. Things were better so I tried to engage her but it just didn't work, so I pretty much ignored her and went on autopilot in our life, as she did. Busy with work and kids' activities, it was easy. Then, of course, the same old fights returned. Very recently, I interviewed for, and was offered, a great, dream type of job a few states away. Before even applying I asked her if moving was an option for her and she said, Yes. She'd rather not but if I got a great offer, she would go. Well I got the great offer, accepted, but we got into a bad fight, I said things out of anger I didn't really mean, and she said she wasn't going with me and that she wanted a divorce. Our youngest child is still in high school and leaving him was not really an option so I called up the new job and told them I had to turn it down. The truth seems to be that she was also offered a great promotion at her job which would finally make her able to support herself the way she wants to without my income, and it seems that's been what she's been working toward all along.
I really don't believe in divorce but am having a hard time summoning the will to do any kind of LRT or anything to save this marriage. Unlike the old days, several years back when the adultery came out and all of the problems reared their ugly heads, I've already got a life that doesn't involve or include her much, haven't pursued her in months if not years, occasionally tell her when it comes up that I don't want a divorce and leave it at that. Back when I was in Piecing I remember being all excited when she finally told me she loved me again...now, I can't remember the last time either of us said that to each other. Probably a couple of years at least.
Funny thing is I'm not upset...a little numb perhaps, just kind of shrugging my shoulders and saying, Whatever, and waiting to see what she will do. I know she's seen a lawyer, but hasn't filed. For my part, I feel a little guilty that I don't care more and am just letting this happen. I don't really want it to, but I did so much for so many years to try and make things better and she never really responded at all, so I figure the ball's really in her court now and I'm just going about my business...not in denial about it, just, well, f'ing worn out!
I know the kids don't want to see us get divorced, so I feel like I should do something just for their sake. I guess if my W changed her mind and committed herself to our M I could get energized again, but at this point I'm thinking that I've done all I can by myself. She seems serious about the D so I'm expecting her to file sometime between now and Fall. Just seems like such a waste, feels like the end of the line. 16 years, just gone.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
