WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 3

[25yearsmlc]

^^^ good stuff...


It's not only that I think the open m is bad idea, and I admit, I do think that...

but I can see how some cultures work it out (meaning more wives) and I see the appeal from a female point of view for sure

I've already said it's not for me and I think it's a high risk behavior. For every couple that has an open m, you can find 20 that ended b/c of adultery OR having a supposedly open m...

and you can find 20 couples married that are monogamous. I like trusting that my h won't sleep with ow...I just do.

But that's NOT my biggest "obstacle" with GB's choice...


My biggest obstacle is that GB, you keep saying your m has to be more "solid" and more "secure" before you jump out of the plane, hoping the chute opens...

You have a contingency that must occur, in order to POSSIBLY(b/c you are not that comfortable yet, and it will NOT be what you expect...)

but this contingency has to happen in order for you to pursue this other activity

and the contingency of a solid secure marriage means...??????

It's so NOT clear


thing is, you don't know what that "Secure, solid" m to her, looks like.


No boundaries, no agreed upon expectations, so....what's it really going to take for you to feel safe with her?


Not to mention her feeling safe with you (though I think that's a weapon she uses and isn't reasonable). It's turning around on your dad when he catches you coming in late, and saying "don't you trust me, OMG!!??" It worked for me...til I began dating. Then my dad would say

I trust you...I don't trust your bf....

(Later, my dad changed it to "I just don't trust your judgement right now")

Since you are so unclear about what you really want there's no way you or she will ever be able to measure progress.


I'm telling you if you set up some measurable goals that are "normal" (not like '"she can't yell at me in public more than 3 times forleaving a light on--which I pay for-btw!!!" b/c that's crap that should never happen, gb, ok?)

And I'd give whatever you come up as measurables (some positives in there, not just avoiding negatives),

but e.g., hugs, kisses hand holding, asking questions of you and your life, BEING INTIMATE...(for God's sake at some point isn't that a dealbreaker? How often is enough, 4 times a year? I mean you aren't even 30 yet, are you?)


ONCE Those things begin happening with some consistency

and then give it TIME...whatever time YOU think ought to be tripled or more...


Good luck