Life is a highway

[ninelives]

Thank you so much both of you.

Its rare when I have the honor to have both of the leading ladies of this board chime in. I have always read your posts and I know that you have always tried to help NO MATTER WHAT. I have taken my share of 2x4's from you both as well and I know that they were administered with love. That is what I admire about both of you.

You have navigated through this crap and dont have to be here yet you continue in what I assume is a way of giving back to something that helped you. And for this, the entire board is grateful. I feel that way about sports growing up there was always a coach to assist me in playing the games I loved and when I became an adult, I too wanted to give back to sports. Because they shaped me. Both my parents were into restaurants so they didnt really raise me. sports and Charles Ingles are were I learned my values.

I have learned a great deal about relationships from this board.
I did consider myself a decent husband but now looking back, I see some glaring short comings that I thought were normal. I so should have dealt with them as an adult rather than a teen. I guess I will regret those for the rest of my life but they really shouldnt have been enough to destroy my marriage. Not by a long shot.

I do fluctuate almost every day Sandi, you are 100% correct. One day or week I believe that its over and why would I even want that drama back and then I remember the good times and believe that my kids deserve the family that they both want.

It gets better and then its not. I need to find that consistency and must force myself to drop that damn rope once and for all. I told my therapist once that if a year goes by and I still feel this way, then I will be worried about me.

Its difficult IMO to erase all those years without some kind of fight. I think i quoted this song once.

" Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight, got to kick at the darkness till it bleeds day light" Bruce Coburn.

But I think Im close to kicking all I can for now and like 25 mentioned, time to get to the other side of the shore and stop looking back, if she wants to join me later, then I will have to decide if I want her on my beach.

Thanks again ladies, YOu and so many others on this site deserve several of my paychecks and even then I would feel that I have short changed you.

Tomorrow is another day. I must try and navigate it well.

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