Good to hear from you today. If time allows, I hope you can post at least once a day until things are better for you.

May I suggest that you try to realize that there could be more bombs to come, if you see her actions and words being as such. You are very wounded, and sadly...she will probably say or do more that will hurt you if your emotions are based on her. Remember me saying that most of DBing is within yourself? Well, you have to decide that you will be happy based on "you" and not on what your W says or does. Otherwise, you will be most miserable by placing all your happiness in her hands. It sounds romantic and loving, especially in wedding ceremonies, but happiness has to be a personal choice. The first time I heard that, I thought it was crazy, but several years down the road...and I found it to be true.

Now, here's the trick....you don't need to tell her all of this. Just kind of keep that to yourself. As you become more confident and happier with yourself, it will show to everyone around without you telling them.

Oh, you won't feel that way for a while, b/c you have some stuff to work out and discover....but if you keep at it, you can get there. Don't give her the power of destroying you. Set about to have a positive mental attitude in spite of what she does. Make that one of your daily goals.

I want to give you a warning. She will say or do little things that will cause your hopes to soar, if you don't stay grounded here at the DB Board. Just like her showing a lighter mood one day and maybe darker the next. You can't let that dictate what "your" feelings will be or she'll yank you all over the place. So, if she decides to carry on a civil conversation while watching TV with you, just accept it as that....and don't make any more out of it.

Playing with the kids is good. Nothing can warm the heart of a woman like hearing laughter from her children.

I agree wholeheartedly about being mysterious. For example, instead of you showing her all the new clothes you bought, wonder what she would have thought if you had just come in one morning wearing new threads and looking very handsome. Before you say that that's just not you.....let me point out how "changes" are what you're striving to accomplish. So, when you have these little chances, take them.

This may sound silly to some, but it works, especially with a WAW. She needs to see you looking great. She needs to see a man that other women could be easily attracted to...and let it hit her that she doesn't want to set him free.

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I am not able to drive due to the fact that my vision is very poor. So, I depend on her sometimes to drive me where I need to go. I try to keep it minimal, but I am worried that she sees this as a weakness and although it would be shitty for her to admit it, she resents it.


Have you had this vision problem for some time, or is there anything that could be done to make you see better? IMHO, women resent their H's when he doesn't take the steps he knows would make him much better. If nothing can be done to help your vision and she sees this as your manliness affected....that is very sorry on her part. I would suggest that you give her plenty of advance notice when you are going to need her to drive. I would make sure that she not say anything that sounds disrespectful toward you b/c your children will learn from her, and it isn't good. Don't be too quick to apologize for needing her to assist you, and of course, keep your dignity and don't act clingy or helpless.

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I texted her to apologize for the pressure I had been applying and until that point and also let her know that she was about to witness a renewed effort from me, and asking for some time and her patience.


Okay, so don't do this anymore. Also, don't ask her if she notices any improvement or changes in you. "That" is what sounds needy and weak. No more talk about you or the R (from you), just do the work. It will take a long time before she'll be convince that the changes will stick.

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My glimmer of hope from yesterday has proved to me that this program could work, as long as I stay strong and stick to it. For the first time in a long time I feel encouraged.


And, this program works when you aren't encouraged and don't see much hope. That's when you will really need to stick with it.

((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!