Thanks MHL and Peace. I understand that divorce won't end the pain. I also understand that having the tools to deal with this experience don't insulate me from pain and anger. They only shorten the duration of the feeling.
I came to this site, as all of you did, to save my marriage. I honestly feel these methods are useless for saving marriages, but tremendously helpful for coping with otherwise debilitating circumstances.
W came over today to look for some unspecified thing in our storage boxes. She wouldn't tell me what. "It doesn't concern you". She then demanded all the cable boxes because she doesn't have HD, so neither should I. I requested my name now be on the account, but that would require she let go of control. During the ensuing discussion, she trotted out all the reasons for her not to go to counseling with me.
She began to extole the virtues of her new man and declared how she didn''t need me anymore. She did say she needed to make a choice and my failure to do anything to convince her to stay (while she's banging OM) was the last straw. I should have said something to OM. Really?!! There are a pantload of things I can say and do now if that's what it takes. She ominously says my next marriage won't include her - but then breaks down a bit by the weight of the things she says.
She again rehashes a history that I take total responsibility for and is primarily summed up by me not being responsive enough to her needs. I try to re-direct (as with my 6 year old) to the here and now, but she's uninterested. Wallowing in the past justifies the present.
Tonight I am slightly upset, but I'm letting myself feel it. And I don't have TV to watch. But I'm not hung up on her actions. I don't know what to tell the kids about Mommy taking all the cable boxes. I just need to find a way for myself. I know I'll be happy in the future. Finding the best path is the challenge.
