Slowly we unfurl, as lotus flowers

[Denver_2010]

IMO, the next positive steps that you should look for are signs that your W is interested in what you have been doing with your time, i.e., curiosity, and/or signs that she wants to see you... and I mean even if it is just short personal contacts.

See, I think I have seen some of this. Now, most of the contact involves D in one way or another, but she has thrown in other talk that does not. Even some of the things involving D still seem like reaches to ME. They are not necessary discussion points, so IDK.

I still think back to how she recently refereed to our house as 'home' in passing. It seemed to come out subconsciously. But it was the first time since she left that she refereed to it this way.

So.... I guess I am still trying to determine if some of her contact IS curiosity, reaching out, or if it is just, IDK, nothing...

Give it time and look for progression CS. You don't know right now what your W's actions mean and THAT is okay. What that says to me is that you sit back and continue doing what you are doing, journal, look for signs of progression in her behavior, and live your life.

Bottom line, and I always hate to say this, but things are not going to move by any leaps and bounds until OM is out of the picture.

Of course they are positive signs CS. The only concern that I see with it is that you fall too much into the 'friend zone'. But IMO, I think that you should be trying to reestablish the friendship with you W right now. That is the first step.

Don't these two statements contradict each other? How do I reestablish a friendship without falling into the 'friend zone?'

Yeah, in a way they do. But you have to have the friendship redeveloped before there is any hope for the M to be restored. IMO as long as your W is still aware of what you want, i.e., to reconcile the M, and as long as you balance having a friendship with her by also keeping yourself at an arm's length distance away from, then you can hopefully avoid that dreaded 'friend zone'.

You just don't want her to get to the point where she believes that being "friends" is your ultimate goal and that you are going to be fine with that forever.

As long she has the possibility of a R with you somewhere in her mind, even if it is way back there, then you avoid the 'friend zone'. At least that is how I look at it.