wow, do I already love the two of you (delinquent girl and thatgirl007). It did not start off this way-he did work and seemed excited about it but decided to make a go of tennis. We made arrangements (including who stayed home when we decided to have kids)based on the person with the most earning potential. If we (meaning me-per my husband) had truly valued our goal of investing in real estate property and traveling the world, I would have stuck to the budget we proposed. So yes-in a way, I worked hard and gave him everything because it was hard to believe that this amazing man, great accent, had chosen to give me his love. And he has loved and supported me emphatically for the first five years. Now, looking back, things started to change after we had children. I never realized it, but he compromised to have our kids and really resented it. I think he felt (even as other things like lack of sex, my travel schedule, etc) that he had settled on other things, since we were on the same page to live frugally and invest, it would pay off. I just never realized that he felt that he was "settling".
And now-I have to echo some of the things you have both mentioned. His mother truly lives this way, has retirment property in Australia that she rents out and she literally does not work anymore, just travels 6 months a year. She got into the Australian real estate at just the right time but now my H has it in his head that he gave up all of his real hopes and dreams and settled down to be with me-and I ain't it worth.
I have to tell you-this time in Chicago has been amazing and very powerful. I am surrounded by smart, educated professonals who have been my friends and colleagues for many years and they think I look amazing and they truly value me for me. I once said this to G-"it is amazing that when I leave this house, I am constantly told that I am beautiful, smart, and articulate, excellent at my job and then when I enter my home....I can't handle my daughter right, I am not applying myself to weight loss, etc. I think the finances was just an excuse...I think he would have left anyone, not because I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH BUT BECAUSE HE HAS LOW SELF ESTEEM. I am starting to detach in a huge way and I don't want this arrangement anymore. I want someone who loves and values me for me. So I have to say that I am not sure that I want to be in this type if M anymore. He used to love me so much, now he just seems to be filled with resentment and bitterness. DO I REALLY WANT THIS? Should I give myself the chance to fall in love again with someone who truly values what I bring to the table and does not feel that he is settling?
I want to save my marriage but I am getting my gumption and my confidence level back. I am planning to file for divorce in two weeks and no, I don't plan to provide my H with support. He was funny-he never came out and asked for money but said quietly that he was working hard giving extra tennis lessons and teaching at the college so that he would only have to ask me for a "little bit of support". What am I, a bank? My family has agreed to come down for two and a half weeks to take care of me and when I told H this, he got very quiet and wanted to know "why they were coming".....
So-plan now is to really look inside of myself and think about the new R that I want, whether it is with H or not. I echo you thatgirl007-I look great now for me, NOT FOR MY H. And it feels wonderful!
BTW-did I mention that I am not a beachbody coach????
thanks again for all of your love and support! SLH
