2 thoughts... First, you are negotiating with her instead of setting a boundary. You are telling her that "IF this is fixed, THEN we can have an open M"
and unless I'm retarded, I thought your whole point was that you do NOT want an open m...
Second... "A Soldier's Wife"...
When we lived in Alaska it was a HARSH military assignment, super hard on familiies too. Ironically H had requested it and I did agree...(My excuse is that I was pregnant and not thinking straight... )
Anyhow, we finally got on-post housing where I met Susan, another Ofc Wife up the street. Susan is a social worker who helps others with their problems.
Her h and my h coached wrestling for our son and their sons, and her h was a battalion commander as well.
They had 3 kids. In summer of 2001 their youngest, d5 got diagnosed with what turned out to be a bad neuro disease. Lots of trips to the lower 48 for 2nd and 3rd opinions...but it's a progressive ailment with no cure. Very sad. Looks like a long road ahead with a bad outcome likely. Then 9-11 happened...
Susan's h gets orders to lead a combat battalion in Afghanistan. It's now October with his orders set to leave before Christmas.
Susan's sister suddenly gets sick and dies of late diagnosed breast cancer at Thanksgiving. WTH? They were close.
This is a lot to take in, but Susan is strong. She cries privately.
Her h asks if h should request a deferral for hardship reasons, or just refuse the assignment, but Susan says "No, h, you should go, you trained for this & your men love you, etc"...
but inside, she wishes the timing of these events had given her some breathing room.
It's a lot to take in and deal with. She prays a lot.
Her h left for Afghanistan in Jan of 2002. Fast forward to today...
Her d is on a ventilator and will die this year or next. Her sons went through high school without their father for the most part. No coaching by dad.
During his absence, Susan attends 5 death notifications of people she knows, as the commander's wife, she reaches out to each widow & family. They lean on her a lot and she worries for them.
Susan's h is wounded and sent "home" to a med center 2000 miles away, where she joins him for the rehab.
He has a serious injury from a large explosion. He has "shrapnel" that cannot be safely removed from his spinal area, and he's in a lot of pain and always will be. He cannot go up stairs. He sort of walks but only with a cane or walker. She helps carry him at times, and he's a big guy...he gets depressed, and has some PTSD. They work it out.
Susan still works at her job helping others...and Susan has NEVER COMPLAINED about any of this. Ever...literally.
She's a local leader, an optimistic friend & a great mother. I admire her. Susan is an unsung hero but mostly, she's a soldier's wife.
Frankly, I know few women who could do ALL of this.
But honestly, Do you see your w able to withstand any ONE of these problems without complaint?
You see her taking care of you the way Susan cares for her h?
And their dying d?
And her home and holding down a job?
Do you think Susan talks about how boring she thinks her h is....??
I could go on... but I hope you get
why it's so frustrating for me, a vet and wife of an officer myself, to hear her treatment of you (and by extension, the military...)
YOU need to learn about boundaries, and leadership in your own m, before you'll get anywhere with this, my young friend.
Take care
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
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