b. making demonstrable moves back towards your marriage
Well, I can't disagree that this would be SUCCESS. But what about all of the steps to get there? It seems like I have miles between where I am and this point. Aren't there smaller signs along the way that indicate this is the direction you're moving?
Well, there are no "steps" in "a." "a" is a black-or-white decision that your wife needs to make, and you can't make it for her -- you can only state your boundary. In fact, betrayed spouses make a mistake when they fall for their wayward spouses' promises to make "steps" along the way to no-contact ("I'm going to end it soon with him, I really am," or "we're cooling things off for awhile." etc.)
As for "b" I phrased it the way I did for the very reason you state: "moves back toward the marriage." These ARE incremental steps. But I said "moves," not "statements," because as you know, we are believe NONE Of what they say, and only HALF of what they do."
Someone told me once "when her words line up with her action, over time, then you will know she is telling the truth."
