Slowly we unfurl, as lotus flowers

[♪CS♪]

I would measure success by your wife:

a. ending contact with OM; and

b. making demonstrable moves back towards your marriage

Well, I can't disagree that this would be SUCCESS. But what about all of the steps to get there? It seems like I have miles between where I am and this point. Aren't there smaller signs along the way that indicate this is the direction you're moving?

IMO, the next positive steps that you should look for are signs that your W is interested in what you have been doing with your time, i.e., curiosity, and/or signs that she wants to see you... and I mean even if it is just short personal contacts.

See, I think I have seen some of this. Now, most of the contact involves D in one way or another, but she has thrown in other talk that does not. Even some of the things involving D still seem like reaches to ME. They are not necessary discussion points, so IDK.

I still think back to how she recently refereed to our house as 'home' in passing. It seemed to come out subconsciously. But it was the first time since she left that she refereed to it this way.

So.... I guess I am still trying to determine if some of her contact IS curiosity, reaching out, or if it is just, IDK, nothing...

Of course they are positive signs CS. The only concern that I see with it is that you fall too much into the 'friend zone'. But IMO, I think that you should be trying to reestablish the friendship with you W right now. That is the first step.

Don't these two statements contradict each other? How do I reestablish a friendship without falling into the 'friend zone?'

A healthy dose of all of it CS. It is a tough balancing act for sure. But you do need a little of everything that you just listed. My failure was NOT doing that. It is tough man. But that is my advice.

YES IT IS!!!

Thanks for the reply.

Sometimes the best word I can find for describing all of this is FASCINATING.