After 2 years separation, he still wants out!!!

[25yearsmlc]

I'm one of those people who thinks the "MLC" label is irrelevant, clung to, and over used.

Sorry. It changes nothing in your approach, so it's not something I'd spend time on.

But trust me, I DID spend a lot of time on that. Way too much time on what he was doing/feeling/thinking/planning and "why??" and "When will MLC end?"

There's not a lot of evidence to suggest an MLC, if that's what it is, is any easier or shorter OR more likely to end happily than other situations.

There IS evidence of LBSers spending all their time analyzing this to death so they can hang onto their hope that IF it's MLC somehow it's more likely to have them return.

And sometimes hope can be paralyzing.

I wish I'd spent a LOT LESS time on my h and MLC and way MORE time on ME and my future and my children's...


It was only when I began to fully detach, "MLC? Who cares?" and accepted that m was likely over

BUT that I would be happy anyhow

and that H was losing more than I was...I'd be alright. I GAL, had a PMA and began exploring options I did NOT have when m to h.

Meaning jobs in places I wanted to live without regard to h's career for instance.

H noticed, he told me later. But at this time in general, when I detached, pulled back and moved in my own direction, H began to awaken.

It's a bit ironic b/c I had made so much effort in making "rational arguments" and (I'm a lawyer) I KNEW if I were in court, I'd win...but to no avail.

Nothing I said was heard by my h. I could not reach him. So I let go of him, leaving him to his "task" and journey.

When he began his awakening, I almost did not take him back and that wasn't to be punitive. But I had learned to like my life better by then, and the d's and I had a routine, etc.

Please don't spend too much time wondering what's up with your h.
[b]
If you can look at YOUR ROLE In this, that's more helpful b/c in the end, if your h doesn't think the m can improve/change, he won't come back.
[/b]

That means he has to see some changes in YOU and in all likelihood, you need some work. We all do. Become a better person for all this, b/c it does make us stronger, kinder, and with a feeling of resilience we may have lacked before. I also learned a ton about forgiveness. (The exception to this is those who get stuck in their victimhood and false hope, and or become bitter. Too bad.

So figure out your part in this, not to blame, but to find your 180s and become the woman you were meant to be.

Be a woman only a fool would leave.

Have fun this weekend!