Australian/US connection-is He a WAH or MLC?

[thatgirl007]

I read your post in my thread and I know it's been a few days, but I didn't see it until today. I just wanted to give you a big e-hug. I know how hard it is to put everything down into a little text box and just how far things have to be deteriorated before you get to that point.

This is my advice. I am no expert, by far, so take it with a grain of salt.

I could harp all day on your H's issues - because there seem to be many. I just don't understand how anyone can expect to semi-retire in their 30's primarily on another person's salary. And I definitely don't understand how you could agree to that. Based on some of the things you wrote, it seems that your entire marriage was based around you working your tail off so that he could live the easy life. That is not a marriage, it is a business deal. And when you signed on for this, what was it about your own self-worth that made you think this was a good deal?

Therein lies the crux of the problem. You are an intelligent woman capable of raising two children, holding down a high-powered job, conquering your financial issues and losing 55 pounds yet you still feel that you need to financially support an able-bodied man who has left you and your children and is trying to coax you not to use an attorney in your divorce.

Is this a man that you want to be married to? And also - really - is this the woman that you want to be?

You have some fundamental questions that you need to answer for yourself before you can even make another step forward. It seems to me that you are in a save-the-marriage hurricane, but what you really need to do is be in a What Does Shannon Really Want Quest.

Who are you? What do you want from your marriage? How do you want to raise your children? Ten or twenty years from now can you look back on your actions and respect yourself and the decisions that you made?

The focus does not to be on your H and what he wants/does/feels. You really need to sort out that stuff yourself primarily. And I really feel that when you do that, when you've proven that not only are you financially rock-steady but also healthy, wealthy and wise - your H is going to want back on the train. And then, it's up to you whether or not you want to let him back in.