ooohweee what'sup wit that

[ninelives]

That is amazing 2 step.. That kind of selflessness. I cant see that myself. I want her to be happy but truthfully, right now, not without me and our family. Maybe I will reach that level of selflessness but I have to be honest. Im not there yet.

You are a great man 2step. I wish she could see it. She would not regret it.

9

[MichelleLT]

Two weeks no contact right now and you know what? I am healing and I am ok.

NC really does help. It's amazing how it helps you get off the roller coaster. Of course, it also gives you a false sense of stability which is often upset by the next contact lol. But it's a start in learning to live TRULY on your own again.

I have a prayer for her:

I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now.

That is a noble and beautiful thing.

[2stepboogie]

WoW Michelle welcome back. It has been a long time Since you have been around. You have been missed!! The no contact has been a little odd for me, you have been with me since the beginning and you know just how weird this is. But, it also serves as a reality check that my life continues and it does not include X in it. As painful as that sounds like it is the truth.

I tell you acceptance is tough and I still have my moments.

I don't know that I will ever be fully healed

As for the prayer……I don’t know how noble it is. I do hope she is happy or finds happiness but………………………………

[ninelives]

it soo good to see you still here 2step. Dont get me wrong, If I could wave a magic wand, I would hope that none of us would ever end up on this site, but since the wand is on the fritz, I simply mean that your wisdom is amazing.

And Im still blown away how selfless you wish those things for your Wife. Maybe if an OM wasnt involved in mine and the way they did it, I too could wish her happiness. But at this stage, its just not there. I know I can eventually forgive her, its just not coming yet. Ill know when that happens. IM not that angry anymore so I guess thats a step in the right direction.

It still amazes me how your wife is not involved with an OM but still refuses to see the changes in you and would rather live a very difficult life. I understand if there was abuse or alcholism or some other form where you were Nasty to her, but the things you have done , although not a hollywood story, are not the end of the world and able to be foregiven I would think.

Maybe time will be all she needs but in the meantime, 2step is an amazing catch for somebody.

9

[♪CS♪]

I don't know that I will ever be fully healed

I don't think the scars will ever go completely away for most of us.

But those scars can also remind us of what we learned.

Time!

Something we luckily all have.

[AJM80]

Just thinking of you with the no contact - hope you are doing well and going strong!

[MichelleLT]

The scars are the healed. Just like in real life, there's always a mark to show the wound. It scabs, it breaks open again, it finally heals, but it's never quite the same no matter how much of that anti-scar lotion stuff you use lol.

You will always look back down at the scar on your knee and remember how you got it. But you will also be more careful next time.

It's kind of like riding a bike (motorcycle or just pedal-powered), you slack on the maintenance a little bit, you procrastinate on replacing the brakes, and then you're out riding and you hit a slick spot and the brakes just aren't good enough to save you from physics. You walk away, but that scar will always remind you to take the time to do the maintenance you need to do.

Lessons learned.

It's not a blame thing. Before, you didn't know better. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had.

Now, you've learned. Not only from the WAS, but from the boards and from MWD's books. Now you are armed with loads of information and you realize how you f'd up. You have moved from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence. The journey is about moving to conscious competence and then finally unconscious competence (so that these R skills you learn become habit).

All of us here are somewhere between conscious incompetence and conscious competence. We are students. We are learning. We are practicing. We are not perfect. We are just human.

[2stepboogie]

Thanks michelle and all the others for chiming in. I appreciate it so much.

Today I took yet another step towards healing I decided to delete X from my FB. It sounds so childish I know like I am back in HS or something but it is the little things that cause pain in my life.

I learned today she has moved to Tulsa where OM lives and with her financial sitch it is clear that she has moved in with him.

I know it is guessing to some…………….to me. It is common sense.

Anyways since we are D she can do as she pleases but the pain of how easily we are replaced is not diminished.

Everyone has their own boundary.

I have mine. And I WILL NOT compromise it. Not for X not for anyone.

The pain will linger for some time I imagine. I am sure it will. But the presence of OM for ME is a healing step.

No one to ME is worth this. NO ONE.

It is kind of a rambling post and almost obsolete since we are D but this began before the D was final maybe not physical but certainly emotional and that part stings a little.

Trust your gut. It will never lead you wrong.

I got so caught up in the ‘hope’ speech, and when you are desperate you can find hope anywhere but sometimes you have to face the music.

What were my expectation after the D?

I don’t know.

Common sense would dictate that we both would date I suppose but being replaced so easily is not something I can handle lightly.

I guess I feel the minute you have to compete for a woman, well then you have already lost.

I wish her luck.

I wish her success in her new job.

I wish her happiness.

I know mine will come in time.

2step

[FaithnAK]

2Step,

I admire you.

You admit everything with honesty. You see it. You get it.

I'm not out to hit you with any 2x4's, but I've been posting here the last few days because for me, it just doesn't hurt anymore. I want to pay forward and help.

Anger and pain will die in time, in the mean time it's how you deal with it. Everyone handles it different.

You keep posting it though, and your very blunt. I like it. Kudos to you friend.

I will say one thing though, if you weren't feeling something, you wouldn't be posting like this.

Just know as long as she knows the boundary clearly and you live the boundary. Change is inevitable. With or without her. Stay strong.

Remember this stuff for the rest of your life bud.

Strength, Honor, and Integrity my friend.

P.s. Great Effin Posts by the way.

[ninelives]

Hey 2step

Sorry to hear about the Tulsa thing. As you said, On one hand it helps you move on but the pain you are feeling is also very real and I know what that is like.

If you are like me, and I think you are, you accept whats going on but really cant believe that it got away from us like it did.

And I believe that someday, they will wake up to the destruction that has been caused and wonder if they did the right thing, I think they will wonder that ALOT but not admit it to us.


And so , life goes on.

Hope you keep posting 2step, hope to actually meet you and some of the others on here some day.

9