I continue to work on me and make improvements. Sometimes though, I lack motivation. I have realized that I'm not 100% sure that I want W back, but I would like a chance to see where it goes.
A lot has happened in the last few days, but really, things remain the same.
I struggle with the fact that she continues to hate and despise me. I find it impossible to believe that someone can be that way towards someone that they loved so deeply for so many years.
I do not pursue her at all. She does all of the contacting.
W lives on a college campus because she goes to school there and works there. S25 lives with her. Three nights ago, I got a call from her around midnight telling me to rush to her house. Turns out that S25 smoked something he shouldn't have. W had to call 911 and he was rushed to the emergency room. He is okay now, but I doubt that he has learned his lesson. After he was released from the hospital, she invited me back to her place and I stayed for a little while. He has since been banned from campus and will be moving back in with me. We spent about 4 hours together that night and everything was fine until I decided to leave.
W is having a procedure done this coming Thursday to see if she has cancer in her uterus. As I was leaving, the conversation went like this:
M: I hope everything goes well on Thursday.
W: Me too.
M: Will you let me know how it turns out?
W: Yeah.
M: Are you having it at XXXXXXXXXXX Hospital?
W: I'm not telling you.
M: Why?
W: Because I'm not.
M: Why? I'm not going to show up or anything.
W: It's none of your business and I'm not telling you.
M: I know. I'm the enemy.
W: Stop making more of it than what it is. I'm not telling you.
She then slams the door in my face.
The next day, she calls me and tells me that S25 will have to move back in with me. She also tells me that she was going to tell me where she was going to have the procedure done. Really? She told me the night before that it was none of my business. For the record, she has still not told me.
Yesterday, she got into an argument via text with S18 about our marriage. She mentioned many things that I did wrong. She blamed me for never getting a college degree. I didn't know I needed one to be married to her. I DID go to broadcasting school and had an amazing career on the radio for 23 years. I know in my heart that I did pretty well for us. She also said that she has been unhappy since the mid 90's. Our youngest was born in the mid 90's and from what I can remember, she was pretty damn happy. She told him that we got married way too young. That was the first I've ever heard of that.
She has also received my response to her D papers. S25 says that she was extremely upset. I'm only asking for what is fair. I think she thought that I would just rollover and let her walk all over me. The "old" me probably would have.
Anyways, that is what is going on. I am just waiting on a court date.
Tad
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
