Argh. I should know better but I remember last time that some of our best breakthroughs came after R discussions. So maybe it's a mistake to have them and maybe not. One of our problems is communication of these kinds of things so maybe talking actually does help us in some backwards way?
Anyways, I told him that he makes me feel like I'm a bad person and I'm not. I'm a good person and I'm all weepy and crying and depressed these days because of the sitch but I can be that fun, loving person he used to know. I told him that he looks at all the negatives in our R and all the stuff that is missing and forgets about all the good things, taking them for granted. And we had a lot of good things. I also told him that it's unfair for him to color our entire past as negative now because we had some really good times where we were both happy and made it through some really difficult situations etc. He said he knows. I told him it's really depressing for him to do that to our entire history because then it means that I have been living with a person who has been lying to my face almost every day of my life for 11 years. And that makes it seem just so much worse. I think I kinda made him feel bad there so I apologized.
I told him that he says I never showed him love and he listed all the LL's off but MINE. I said, I may not be good at your LL but I tried and I showed you love in my LL all the time. He said he knew. Then I asked him what more could I do. He said nothing (of course). Then we said goodbye.
Not the best conversation, I know. But I guess it just really drives the point home for me that this is really about him being unhappy and I can't fix that. He can see all these things wrong with our R and M but they aren't necessarily there and they aren't necessarily what the problem is about. I think this problem has more to do with his individual happiness than our R and he's just pinning the blame there for now.
