He totally was just reeling me back in, and I took the bait.
Unfortunately, not even 24 hours later after his texts and taking the AA book: he text me again and said "I am going to have to return the AA book, it was kind of you". I didnt respond. And as I walked my dog that evening his truck was again at the local bar.The next morning I found the book in my mailbox. He is soooo not ready to get help.
What a sucker I was. I do realize that actions speak louder than words. Thats why I got my hopes up at first when he took the book home to his new house. Only to see his next action was right back to the bottle.
He was playing games with me to see where I was at and if I would be there for him, and I fell for it. I feel like an idiot for texting him and offering help if he wants it. I didnt tell him to take the book, I only offered it as a guide if he wanted to use it. I think when he looked at it (if he even did) he probably hated the truth behind it.
So yesterday, I decided to work on my painting ALL day long. It helped to get my mind off things. And I was pretty impressed with my own progress on my painting. Its too bad its a gift for someone else, I would love to keep it since its coming out so good. But, I wont. I am just happy to have the skills.
Anyways, I am back to the LRT/going dark. This morning in alanon, we talked about our powerlessness over alcohol and it hit home to me. I am truely powerless over him and his problem. I have decided that if he asks to walk the dog or to talk or anything of the sort, I am going to say NO NO NO!!!
He pulled the wool over my eyes, but at the same time: I know that what he said to me in those texts on tuesday must be floating around somewhere in his mind. He may realize he is destroying his life, but he still feels that drinking is more fun. He has not hit his bottom yet. And who knows if he ever will.
I am feeling a bit more empowered now by realizing that he still needs me. I can tell. But, I will not be here for him until he has gotten help. Before, I was wishy-washy on that subject. Not anymore. I dont like being played the fool.
He can have his beer, and I will have a great day/life. After alanon, a few of us members went out to lunch together and it was nice. I am going to go rollerblading at the park tonight with a friend of mine, and work on finishing my painting. I feel so much better just knowing that I have my job back (even though its only part-time) it will be great to work/teach again this fall and possibly get my benefits back.
This weekend I a have a wedding reception for 2 of my friends that I helped get hooked up with out intending to be a match maker. I am so happy for them both. Then on sunday I have a bridal shower for one of H's cousins' fiance. I am giving her the painting cuz she requested one and becuase I am too broke to afford registry gifts. So I better go get to work on it.
I will be back here on sunday night or monday morning to check in to my thread.Have a good weekend all! TIPPER
