An end to hostilities?

[Sanderika]

Hi Beatrice,

If I were you I would entertain the possibility of a friendship
with your XH.

You also know that I am struggling with just this very same sort of relationship with my H.

I have toiled at the possibility of not being friends. I keep coming back to the same answer. Being friends would be best for all concerned, the most important people this concerns is our son and H and I. This is not just for today but for our future as people who have family in common, if for no other reason.

As being parents we must be able to be friends for the sake of our children and possible grandchildren. I feel it will be taking the high road and rising above the damages that were the direct result of our H MLC. It is the right thing to do. It shows great strength and dignity.

(((Beatrice))) you and I have been at this for a very long time.
We have walked the walk with our husbands enduring much through this crisis.

The love we have for them will never fade completely. We can somehow manage to put it in the back of our minds for a time only. There are constant reminders and memories that bring all the emotions of the situation back to the front. Being friends will stir up those emotions naturally. Do not be hindered by fear of reliving the pain. I do not believe that our XH/H have any more desire to be hurtful, so if we happen to feel any pain/hurt it will be because we allowed ourselves to reach a level in the relationship of friendship that contained expectations.

I feel any communication should be taken slowly. If it is meant to be it will blossom. If it continues on and grows more comfortable and is reciprocated as a mutual friendship should be then the possibilities are vast.

I certainly do not blame you for being "interested" in this new found development with XH. It would peak my interest as well.
As long as you feel comfortable in the conversations, I say keep it going.

Beatrice you are a very wise lady, you will say the right things and know when to speak and when not to...your XH will be left in awe of your manners and wisdom

My guess about him is that he is intrigued by you and your strength. He feels safe since he has wiped the slate clean, as you put it. He will continue to test the friendship waters with you as long as you welcome him. I believe he is a lonely and sorrowful man. He needs friendly compassion in his world.

(((((Warm Hugs To You)))))

Sanderika