One foot out the door, the other on a rug....

[luvmyhubby]

Ive been posting in the new comers area but I think i might be past that now. So my H of 11 years has decided that I have beaten him down over the last few years and has no hope for me to change. I tried to force him to Therapy which I learned from my DB phone session that was not good. He had a session with the T right before ours together and in the couples session the T said things like.. Do you have a contingency plan, and Why are you holding on and also everything has its time. He didnt actually say that we should divorce but he was getting at it and I wanted to cuss at him. This was only our second visit and I know my husband is a WAS and Im fighting the fight of my life. He has been lying about things and im pretty sure talking to someone becuase he has suddenly had to work all night a lot lately. Well after our session at the T I woke him up the next morning asked him if he thought T was helping and he thought it over and said no. I told him that we didnt have to go any more and that we could just keep things the way they are with him being "undecided" since he hadnt actualy said "i want a divorce" to me. My neighbor stopped me that afternoon and reported that my H told her H that i agreed to a D and no more counseling. Then He said he would pay for everything and the neighbor asked if he had someone on the side that would not work and my H just smiled. This infuriated me that he might have said this but I kept my cool and didnt call him.
Well of course he had to work last night which I knew was a lie but I let him think I believe him for now. He didnt text or call so at 4am when my alarm went off i sent him a TXT saying I know he is busy working and asking if he would be home to take the kids before I went to work. He replied 30mins later yes. I got dressed and put my face on and looked really good.. When he walked in the door he saw me and took a double take an then gave me a hug. I hugged back but that was it I was chipper and excited to see him. I told him that I wanted to talk etc. Now he smelled of clean clothes and had tire type stuff on his pants, face and shirt as if it has been placed there but his shirt wasnt sweaty or pulled at like it would be if he had worked in an attic all night. (He is in construction). I sat him down knowing im not supposed to talk about our R but I needed to say this..

ME: I need to clarify what I said yesterday about no going to T anymore.
H:okay
Me: I meant that I will not force you to go and I will give you all the time and space you need to make your decision. However that does not change my view of things I am still commited to our M. I want you to take as much time as you need to make your choice and in the meantime I know you are working very hard for your company. However the kids are missing you a lot and crying since they havent seen you in several nights. (this made him tear up). Also I want to say that I want you to be here in the house while you make your decision and even after your make it no matter what it is that you stay here then as long as you want. Also when you make your decision that you will tell me first and no one else.
H: okay

????Was this a big backslide????

I know his clothes were staged and he is with OW now what he is actually doing I dont know. He originally said he wanted to work things out but then changed his mind. I am determined that my family will not get lost as a statistic and I am making myself better. He is noticing me since ive lost 25lbs in a month im going out tomorrow night and he is keeping the kids so i will use that to my advantage also.

It is almost like I can see the future and I dont like the mountain I have to climb. I see him wanting a D but not having the moxsy to tell me to my face. He is afraid of my reaction that I might go crazy on him which ive never ever done! I realize that I have made MAJOR mistakes and am fixing myself to better me not him. However I want my marriage. I made all of our choices from dinner to movies and he just worked on his business and i did everything else. I will not allow him make me decide he MUST tell me and if he files I will tear it up!!!!
I am stronger than any OW he can find and I know him better than anyone. I just dont get where he got this fog or alien from..

I just need some support to let me know if I am doing right by asking him to stay. I do need him and so do the kids...

_______________
H:31
W: 34
M- 11
Tog- 13
D-5
S-8
Still in home
He has been this way for about 5 weeks... I started DB really this week..