Generosity Goodness Patience and last of all...... " The greatest effort is not concerned with the results"
MHO.....is that your are looking ( expectations ) for your efforts ( which by the way.....touched me deeply ) during the passing of your FIL to change things in your relationship.
Stop!! please....
Continue on as you were.......before this happened Get on with your life.....
Let her wonder and dont be so available.. It was her choice to leave, her choice to file, her choice to have an active affair and HER choice to keep feeding you tidbits of HOPE
and as i have seen Starsky quote " I thinking you think TOO much "
