I am sorry you find yourself here but it is a good place to be.
There are many resources to read - Cadet will likely point you towards them, but if you can find Hearts Blessing's post on the 6 stages of MLC and other stuff you might see teh pattern in your wife's behaviour.
It sounds like a MLC to me, and it would be interesting to know what happened in your wife's early upbringing - there is no mentioan of her father, and her mother seems to have issues, to put it mildly.
As you will gather, if it is MLC this is a long long haul with no guarantees of the outcome. It is your journey too. Sounds as if you have an elderly and sick father . . . .
I don't know if you are working, or who is supporting your wife and family, but I would find some place to live that your children can visit if you can afford it. Work out what you need to contribute to your children, and take care of yourself. This sounds selfish perhaps but it isn't. Unless you are functioning you will not grow and be there for your children. You may well have to be both parents.
You don't sound self pitying which is very positive. It is a trauma when they do this, and accept that you may be in shock. Others will add their 2 c and remember this is what the Boards are there for - venting, advice, and support, with a lot of learning thrown in.
