There must be eight billion people on the planet, and WAW would be sweet and pleasant with all of them. But only with me does she speak through clenched teeth.
That was one our R problems also. At the time, I couldn't understand why she could be the nicest person in the world to everyone but me. I realize now my insecurities and low self-esteem allowed me to be the whipping boy. The few times I stood up to her, she became the sweet thing everyone knew. So dysfunctional...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I read that poem 3 times and it gave me goose bumps. Would make an awesome song!
How we live our lifes, how we face circumstances beyond our control, how we learn to let go, and in the end its how we handled ourselves with the help of others that yes we are the master of our soules.
Just wanted to say that although I did post on your thread I did follow it and I think you have made some great strides my man. I have read some of your most recent post and you have grown.
I have a difficult road ahead of me and there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
I was in the chapel yesterday praying for the sitch in general, and I sensed God telling me "it's gonna be sooner than you think," meaning I don't now what.
I hope I wasn't just wishfully thinking. I like things to move in some direction, even if God's will is not my will. It's like fishing; I'd rather have action, even if it's just trash fish, than no action at all.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens." (NAB)
How much of this verse applies in our lives; who knows? But just a reminder that our DBing should not be limited to councelling, therapy, coaching and psychology, but encompass all the tools at out disposal, including faith, prayer and spiritual guidence and support. I am joyful to know that dozens of people are praying for me/us and of course you.
Pic.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
At mass yesterday, I was trying to get some kind of confirmation for the thoughts and ideas coming into my head.
I felt God telling me that only after the final D decree and subsequent refi of our one major joint asset, will W finally feel severed from the marriage - free in a sense. And she will come to the realization that she's cut herself off of something.
I say "comes to" because I distinctly got the impression that there's not going to be any flash, eureka, scales falling from the eyes moment for W. Everything's going to be gradual.
Problem is, it wont cure her guilt and it wont buy her happiness. Yes, getting a nice fat check from the house will bandaid her emotions, give her shot of adrenaline, but that will not help her find a new job or temper the conflict with her faith or what used to be her faith or make her feel like she's no longer being selfish and unfaithful. What's more, she'll become just a live in guest in the home as opposed to a vested co-owner - it's just not the same level of comfort.
I know I'm rambling. But I get the feeling, she has to lose me, not in the sense that I find someone to replace her but in the sense that she's cut off and discarded a piece of herself and then begins to miss it.
As for me, I must remain true to my mission, to stay pure, above the frey, making sacrifices for my kids, getting a life and being content without dating someone else, and of course avoiding further setbacks and run-ins with the midlife monster.
They say timing is everything, and God's is perfect. Fidelity is my weapon, while she still would like to see me find a "friend". But I believe there is going to come a time in the future when she's thinking hard over all that has transpired and whoa other women are now paying attention to me. I don't know if that's just wishing upon a star, but I just have a feeling. Nobody knows the future.
D-Day is Thursday, June 2nd. It'll be tough, but I don't see any other way.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Since you have it make the best use of it. I haven't read your thread so this might be out of line, but there is one thing I know, so please consider this:
There is no longer "the two of you as one" therefore I hope that you ensure the correct interests are placed first and foremost, namely: You and the kids.
The last thing on your priority list is your now XW. Your own financial, mental and physical well-being come first. Get your priorities straight.
It took the Israelites 40 years in the desert to finally wake up. If you have any interest in a reconciliation down the road give your XW the desert. You are under no obligation to provide her "the mansion" anymore. Just the manna from "heaven."
You are under the obligation though to see that the kids are fed, well cared and raised appropriately.
I can only imagine the pain you're in right now. Take your time, it too will pass. Even though it does not seem like it right now, there IS life after this.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
