b. making demonstrable moves back towards your marriage
I would NOT measure success by everyday pleasantries that she throws your wife. This is classic "normalization," whereby the wayward spouse wants to normalize their situation and their relationships with their family, friends and spouse, even in the face of their own infidelity. It's a sort of compartmentalization that they do, to be able to justify what they are doing, saying "See? Country seems okay with all of this, and he and I still get along great, and swap pics of D and laugh about them and stuff."
