Slowly we unfurl, as lotus flowers

[notsosunny]

Good morning country,



Sounds like a plan to me........and the ole woman, lol, and nurse in me has to say.....stay safe.

Cindy

[♪CS♪]

@ Startsky and gr8,

All I can say right now is I am thinking. I appreciate the thoughts.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

cs.

funny thing. I didn't see
puppys post when i posted u.
i learned a lot from him.

i finally got it after a
year.
I walked in your shoes.this is good advice. trust us

[♪CS♪]

The whole thing can still boggle my mind.

The strange part is the amount my W initiates the contact. It seems different that most the other sitchs I read here.

Today, W sends text: Hope the goose did well. Have fun tonight!

She leaves me.

Is having an active A with OM.

Filed for D.

And then continues to reach out to me.

Then I ask myself.

What do I define as positives?

What are considered babysteps?

How do I monitor what is/isn’t working?

This is the stuff that can still mystify me.

[♪CS♪]

No answers? Seem like easy questions

[♪CS♪]

I walked in your shoes.this is good advice. trust us

I do appreciate the advice. I am just trying to let it all sink in right now. Planning my road ahead. Maybe I over think it, IDk... Not unusual for me...

[Starsky309]

Then I ask myself.

What do I define as positives?

What are considered babysteps?

How do I monitor what is/isn’t working?

I would measure success by your wife:

a. ending contact with OM; and

b. making demonstrable moves back towards your marriage

I would NOT measure success by everyday pleasantries that she throws your wife. This is classic "normalization," whereby the wayward spouse wants to normalize their situation and their relationships with their family, friends and spouse, even in the face of their own infidelity. It's a sort of compartmentalization that they do, to be able to justify what they are doing, saying "See? Country seems okay with all of this, and he and I still get along great, and swap pics of D and laugh about them and stuff."

Starsky

[notsosunny]

((((Country ))))

You are so huggable, lol
And no those weren't easy questions...I thought about them for some time and honestly I'm stumped.

I guess just keep on keeping on.

Cindy

[notsosunny]

Good morning again,

I wanted to comment on your post re:

Generosity
Goodness
Patience
and last of all......
" The greatest effort is not concerned with the results"

MHO.....is that your are looking ( expectations ) for your efforts ( which by the way.....touched me deeply ) during the passing of your FIL to change things in your relationship.

Stop!! please....

Continue on as you were.......before this happened
Get on with your life.....

Let her wonder and dont be so available..
It was her choice to leave, her choice to file, her choice to have an active affair and HER choice to keep feeding you tidbits of HOPE

and as i have seen Starsky quote " I thinking you think TOO much "

Just my 2 cents

hagd
Cindy / Sunny

[♪CS♪]

Thanks Sunny.

The expectations I let creep in during the whole situation was a mistake, I know. I thought I could do it without them, I was wrong.

I am getting back to it, removing myself more.

I stood my ground the last two nights and did not initiate any contact, no pics.

I responded to hers, with few words, but still friendly.

We will have some f2f time this weekend as we exchange D. I will see her on Sat. which will be 1 month since her dad died. It is also 5 months since she left.

And so it goes....