These two ladies know what they are talking about. If you can follow their advice, you have a chance.
I can tell you, I was unable to follow their advice. I went into a suicidal depression, instead, turning myself into something that I had never been, and my arguing, begging, pleading, and rationalizations did nothing but put the nails in the coffin. I literally went crazy - 2 week-long stints in the mental ward. I did not save my marriage.
I did learn a lot about myself in the time since my bomb, however. I came to realize co-dependence and ACOA issues that were just under the surface of my own denial. Having never dealt with those things that I carried since childhood, I was not equipped to deal with my husband leaving. (It didn't help that he fell into the arms of a mutual friend and was in a full-blown affair, but that is his burden to bear - it doesn't relieve me of my responsibility for the divorce outcome).
I don't know if me behaving differently would have lead to saving my marriage, if he might have changed his mind - there are no do-overs. Looking back, though, I can see how my reactions to it all did contribute to the complete break-down.
Even after all of that, I have recovered. I am not the same person I was then, or even the person from when I was married. So much has changed. There is a lot of truth in "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And even if you feel like you are dying, you aren't. You are still here. And there is more to your life than your marriage - you have to force yourself to focus on that part of yourself, even if you don't want to.
If you can hear them, listen to 25 and OT. I truly hope that you can, that there isn't more going on within you that can get in the way, as it was for me. No matter what the outcome, you will need more strength than you ever felt capable of - and you are capable of it, even if you don't believe it right now. It will seem counter-intuitive, but you must have faith in YOURSELF, and if you are spiritual, in God. Not faith in your husband or your marriage - that is beyond your scope right now.
Do the 180s. Make yourself get out of bed and out of your own head. See a counselor to talk about YOU, not your marriage, if you have your own issues to deal with. Work every day to become the person you want to be, for YOURSELF, not for any other reason. If he is worthy of you, he will see it. But that is his job. Don't discuss this with well-meaning friends and family - they just don't want to see you in pain; some may even just want to commiserate instead of being supportive (there is a difference).
