WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Kettricken
I understand how contradictory this is. Lately though I have come to understand how ingrained this bi thing is for her. It's something she feels she has no control over. I can also tell she wants to be loved for who she is. Last nights conversation made this perfectly clear. After 3 months I think no amount of DB will change that.

Even if you really think you DBd, it was not for 3 months and even if it were, that would be far less time than this takes.

IMO, you barely DBd...you can't just label something a "genuine change in behavior", after a weekend of being quiet or not fighting...it's just not close to what we've been talking about here.

She is attracted to both men and women. The issue in question now is whether she can be monogamous. The answer in her mind right now is NO.
Did she SAY this to you? If so, is that a dealbreaker?


That being said how many times have we heard WAW's say this? I'm sure this phrase is familiar:

"afterall this I don't think I can stay married to one person, I need my freedom!!"

In all my time here, I have NEVER seen a WAS say they cannot be monogamous...they choose someone else to be monogamous with, or no one...

and as for her being attracted to both sexes, I[i] don't care if she's attracted to different species too. You do NOT have to act on your feelings, period.

It's just part of being an adult.

I don't steal things even though I want them...I don't act on my attraction to a man at work who is so similar looking to Christian Bale, that he is his stand in on film sets. I don't act on it, and I don't pretend it's a "sacrifice" for me, and it is no threat to my m. And I don't "ache" b/c of the "loss" of my choice to marry, and keep my vows. I acknowledge that he's handsome. My h gets it. They met and h liked him. No biggie. Like I said, this is part of being an adult. Don't you know some women who are, objectively speaking, beautiful? And...so what? You don't do anything, right? Well...??

We all know that all the sweet talking in the world will not dissuade these women. They need to choose for themselves to remain monogamous.

You are confusing women having Affairs w/OM, with a woman stating SHE CANNOT BE MONOGAMOUS...EVER...there's a huge difference.


I've seen plenty of threads were the WAW's keep going to OP's despite promising to stay faithful during the LRT. That's because they were forced or pressured into monogamy. What?? See above.


I will not do that to my W. I want her to freely choose me.


Sounds good, but...
how will you know when she's NOT choosing you? I mean, is having sex with OW/OMs doing that?

Last night was kind of a positive step, because at least she willingly and lovingly committed to no OM's. After talking about it we came to the conclusion that having members of the opposite sex was not worth the strain and risk it would put on our marriage. I'm hoping the same will happen with OW's. Hopefully before she follow through.

Speaking of following through.....

I also suspect that she may not follow through.. I'm hoping that the idea is more enticing than actually going through with it. I know her well enough to know that it is important to her that I take her seriously, even if she ends up changing her mind.

I still think she has not completely made up her mind. She needs to find out where she stands. Once she knows we can proceed.

Both times she left and we were separated, she made sure to stress that she was free, and could pursue OP's if she wanted. As far as I know she never did. I know she must have had her reasons. I'm hoping that happens again.

Your plan... well

Your plan is you HOPE that SHE will or will not do or want to do, 'X' or 'Y'...that's the type of plan you have no control over or input into,

so your plan is... to be helpless??

A spectator in your marriage?

What's YOUR PLAN? (as in, PLAN OF ACTION....) I don't get it.

and it's NOT DBing... If that matters anymore.