25
Well the penthouse fantasy got shot down last night, when she expressed that in hindsight she could not handle seeing me with other women. So rest assured that's not my reason.

As for her not getting her feelings involved, we have discussed this at length and she is adamant that what she wants is purely physical. Has that made me feel better? Absolutely not. She can promise till her head turns blue that she won't get her feelings involved, but I think we both know she herself doesn't even know that. It's funny because she got seriously upset when I used the word girlfriend to describe a possible OW for me.

She seems to think she can separate her feelings, and insists this is purely physical.

As for being left alone there is probably a huge component of truth. Yet in my severely screwed up ahead I know that almost no matter what I do I run the risk of losing her.

I could lose her to an OP, because of an open marriage.

I could draw the lines, watch her leave again and lose her.

I could draw the lines watch her leave, she comes back, knowing full well that she had OP's. I'm supposed to forgive her then right? Or just push her away and lose her.

I could go back to the begging and the pleading....watch her leave in disgust with my self worth.

I could let her decide how far she is willing to take this. From there I could say enough is enough and lose her.

I could let her do her thing and find out I'm ok with it. As many have stated this is still losing her.

Or the current plan:

Let her do her thing with the hopes that once faced with the reality of actually going though with it she realizes it's not for her.

25 you did a good job pointing out how delusional this last course of action is, but what else do I have?

So yeah I'm clinging to a small hope but what else do I have. Nothing.

Call it self defeating but I can't save this marriage. I can choose to end it, that's all I have. Only she can choose to save this, all I can do is set up the conditions for it to look attractive for her to save this, and wait to see if she is willing to do it.