25yearsmlc, I am trying so hard to convince myself that I will be ok no matter what, but my counselor said it is really hard to "live in both worlds- the world of fighting for your marriage, and the world of moving on without him" I feel like all my energy is focused on saving my marriage. I will have to build a life without him when/if the time comes. My biggest challenge is lack of patience. My DB coach said to take one day at a time, reviewing things at the end of each day. I focus on that, and then I talk to him, or go to a restaurant that we used to go to (both happened today) and, again, I say to myself "What? He's divorcing me? This must be a cruel joke!" It seems so unreal. Talked to him this morning (household business stuff) and just mention of his sister and brothers, make me sad. I think to myself "They have been my family for almost 3 decades, and now they aren't" It's so surreal. Inside, I am just so fired up and determined to not let this happen. I feel like someone is dragging me into a fire pit, and I am screaming and kicking all the way. I may still get burned, but dammit, I will not go willingly. The challenge is, to "fight" by being patient and calm. Kind of a contradiction.
oldtimer, You are right about the respect. He deserved more than I gave him, but he never before communicated to me that it was a problem in our marriage. He is right. I didn't respect him the way I should have. But no matter what I do, it seems too late. I really feel I have learned A LOT about how to be a great wife in this journey, but he doesn't want to give me a chance. My goal is to somehow get him to give me time to show him. But he needs to reengage, and how do I get him to want to do that? It's like he has turned the "off" switch, and refuses to turn it back on. My DB coach says she thinks there is still some connection there. I hope she's right. I really feel I need to have hope. Do you all feel there's still hope? Any other advice on getting him to give it more time? I know him well enough to know what he wants in a wife, and I feel I have really improved in those areas, and if he would give me a chance, I KNOW he'd feel better about me and our marriage. But how to do that?? Like I said in an earlier post, I am finally becoming the woman he always wanted me to be, and he won't stick around to see it! Any additional advice always welcome! Thanks!
M50 H49 M 27 years D24, S21 Bomb 7/10 SEP 12/10 H files 5/11
Praying Hard for restoration! With God all things are possible!
