It's Over

[Gnosis]

Denver, I've read bits 'n pieces of your thread. Here are my thoughts, some of these have been said by others... some of them may not have been.

- A man's word is his bond. This is why you don't speak when you are angry / hurt (aka emotional state) because later on your credibility and self-respect will be evaluated by the words you have spoken.

My late father always used to quote to me, "talk is cheap." Boy did that p*ss me off! It took me a while to realize what he really meant was, "What is the use of doing all that talking if you're not going to do anything about it?" When that hit me is when I learned to stop talking too much, start listening, analyze what was being said and then plan accordingly.

The reason you didn't "clock" the OM is because you were PREPARED. That is the power of imagination. That is the power of thought, planning and playing with scenarios. Congratulations on that. From what I read no one has given you credit for that.

I'll confess that when I came to this board I wasn't looking for DB to save my marriage. I came here looking for ammunition. What kind of ammunition? Dialog ammunition. You see subconsciously I knew what I needed to do and one of those things was to prepare myself as best I could for any interaction with my W. I needed to be prepared for every excuse in the book and have a supply of responses that would neutralize the venom. I literally had an entire flowchart mapped in my brain

- If she says this my response is that, that or that.
- If she does this my response is that, that or that.

I did my homework. Do yours. Make your plans when you're in a sound state of mind and stick to them when you're in emotional turmoil.

Naturally, that didn't mean I shouldn't be trying to "hear" what she was saying.

I agree with the "no contact" advice others have been telling you, but for different reasons. You need to disentangle yourself from her so you can "see clearly." You've mentioned it here that you need space, but I don't think you realize how important that is. IMHO this is the best gift you can give to yourself, your wife and your marriage RIGHT NOW.

It's time for you to shut up. And I mean that. It is important that you cut off all contact with her. Every little thing. That means: No texts, no emails, no phone calls. Every contact with her will re-invoke a mass of emotions that will cloud your judgment and right now you need to THINK and evaluate YOUR life and what it is your really want and need.

I have tons I could say, but my time has run out. I'll leave you with a couple of quotes:

"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results." -- Winston Churchill

And this one:

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened." -- Winston Churchill