GB, you cannot change your wife, only she can change herself.
You need to work on your GAL (in the fullest sense). You need to work on becoming a better man an integrated man who makes sure he gets his needs and the needs of his family met. Not your wants, but your needs.
Your worrying and "needyness" are (in my opinion) Nice Guy relapses.
The advice I got from John Gottman at one of his workshops for couples was that I should not try to negotiate a change in my wife's behavior until I can explain why she behaves the way she does or her reason for something as well or better than she can.
To do that I really need to have asked a lot of questions and listened to my wife first. That mean she needs to feel that her positions have been listened to and validated first.
You seem to need her to throw herself emotionally into you and comforting you right now; to devote herself completely to your emotional support? Has she ever done that in the past (possibly with someone else--maybe even a parent or family member) and been hurt for it? How did things go with her emotionally when you were overseas without her? What were her fears then?
Be strong, be brave. She is the one (in your words) in the MLC and that means she needs your love and you as a pillar of strength for her use as support while she gets her head together.
You have done wonderful things. View your glass as half full and not half empty. It will take time and change on the part of your wife for your marriage to be saved. You know so much about what is going on and what you need to do. See how 25 used your own words.
Focus on GAL and doing things that will improve you. My advice is to continue to provide unconditional love and make her feel loved in her languages of love.
A story that really moved me about a marriage in crisis and unconditional love was that of the Montana wife. It may be more fiction that truth, but I really want to beleive it and it helped me find strenght when I was in an SSM.
