Positively moving forward

[ImprovedRomeo]

Congrats on the D! I'll celebrate mine by running naked down the street- though I wouldn't recommend that to you

As for single guys...trust me they're out there. I say the same thing about myself i.e. don't know where to meet someone but it's because I don't get out much between work and DD and the house chores there's just no life and I ain't about to go to a bar or a club by myself. Eventually it comes down to expanding the 'range and scope' through some positive avenue such as a single-parents or tennis/jogging/hiking meetup.com group etc.

[awest1217]

Great Weekend! Cookout on Saturday, cookout on Sunday plus went to Applebee's for half price appetizers late, and parade, grad party and beach Monday. It was so much fun!

This weekend I have a girl's night planned at my house on Friday. Saturday I am administering the SAT or ACT (we do both) at work in the morning; an extra $90 coming my way. Then a grad party. Then whatever.

Some bad. Yesterday and Monday night S's ear was draining so I called the Dr and he said to come in. S has a double ear infection, but it could be from him being outside in the rain (with a rain coat) on Saturday and then swimming at the beach on Monday without ear plugs. The ENT said he wouldn't need them anymore, but I think I am going to go back to using them for just swimming because I don't want to do another round of tubes. The good thing is I caught it earlier so that is good. I am finally learning since S doesn't get fevers or any other symptoms.

WIth XH, I haven't heard from him at all. This is the second time where he hasn't seen S and hasn't asked for an update. I am not going to say anything to him about it, but it is just so funny. He talked about how he wants more time and a better relationship, but he doesn't try at all with S. He does tell S when he drops him off to call daddy if you miss him. If he says it this time, I am going to tell him that S is 3, he is almost 29. It is not S's responsibility to have a relationship with him. If XH wants to know about S, he needs to call, not the other way around.

I am not really mad about the XH/S thing because it isn't affecting S. It just baffles me how a parent can only see their child every other weekend for 36 hours and be ok with that. Not call to check up on the child and not even take the child more when offered. Baffling!

All in all, I am loving life. Everything is great and I can't complain. The weather was a little warm the last few days, but now it has cooled off and should be nice for the rest of the week. Oh and Friday I planted flowers, trimmed bushes, mowed, etc, and the house looks amazing! I love how beautiful it looks and it makes me proud to say it is all mine. It is really nice that I did so much work last year because this year I planted a few annuals, but mostly it is just mowing, weeding and trimming, no hard labor stuff and I am glad for that.

[ClingingToHope]

One point I'd bring up about XH not calling is he may not want to hear your voice. I'm lucky. I see my girls every day during the school year and D12 has her own phone now so I don't have to go through STBXW to talk to them.

Even though I've come a long way -- I still don't like hearing STBXW's voice.

For the noncustodial parent, it [censored] having to go through the ex for access to their kids.

[awest1217]

CTH, I completely understand what you are saying, but as you know from being with me on this for a while, this is XH's MO. It isn't like with you where you have never been one to really talk to STBXW. XH has always called or more text me (he never really has to hear my voice) no problem. He will be really super overly involved with S and then over time will back off until there is nothing for a while. He will then get upset with me because S will act out with him or cry for me, and he will say he wants to be more involved and I will say I have never kept him away from you, which I haven't, and the cycle starts again.

This is the way XH has been the whole time we were together too, only it was longer cycles instead of shorter 3-4 months. He would have an EA, I would find out, I would break up with him, he would beg to have me back, he would continue the EA until I said I had had it, then he would break off the EA and spend a year fixing things and then we would have a good year and it would start back over. He has always had problems with full commitment and it is sad to see it happen with S.

It may also be that XH doesn't like being rejected all the time either. WHen S is with me, he is with me and doesn't want to talk to XH, but it is visa versa with XH, unless S is having a bad day and is crying for me. S doesn't do that for XH.

XH did drop off the child support in the mailbox yesterday so that was weird since he will see me tomorrow, but oh well.

I am not focusing on that really, just more updating. Things are still good with me and I just see a bright future with limitless possibilities.

[awest1217]

Sad thing I just heard from XH that last time he had S, he asked if we aren't married because he was bad. That just makes me cry XH told him that we both love him, but were mad at each other. Still makes me sad.

[awest1217]

Had a hard moment today realizing that OW has taken my place in my old life. She does every little thing I used to do. It bothers me some mostly because XH would say how alike we are, but mostly because I don't want her taking my spot with S. I know that isn't close to being possible because S and I are close. Just being honest on here. It was just a moment and now is past.

Really things are great. The only bad is it went from 60 to mid 90s here so very very hot. I do have my class next week which I am not looking forward to, but am at the same time. I just need to keep reminding myself it is just one week.

[awest1217]

Just found out my XBIL the one i was still close to was arrested. I now have a lot on my mind...

[mishka422]

Oh no. That is the XBIL that was acting as a male role model in S's life right?

So sorry.

[awest1217]

Yes it is that XBIL. I am really having a hard time with this. I won't go into details, but there are a few different areas that this is affecting me. Mostly I want to help XH and my in-laws but can't. It is all very hard.

[awest1217]

I need some advice from the parents out there. This thing with XBIL is really bad and for me gets worse all the time. It is bringing up some memories and feelings that I had pushed away and hid a long time ago when it came to XH.

Here is my issue. XH is supposed to watch S next week when I am at school for my one week class. Since everything has happened, he has agreed that my mom should watch S at least for Monday and Tuesday, but as this continues I am having more and more concerns about S going over there at all. I know that I can't stop visitation and don't want to, but I am honestly worried about S's psychological well-being. He is very sensitive and I don't want him hurt by this.

I also have the issues with XH that I feel need to be addressed because some do directly relate to S and being a good role model for S.

How do I talk to XH about this without starting a fight? I want to voice my concerns and some of them are about XH. Should I not say anything at all to XH? Do I just keep things about S and what I want S to see and hear and not talk about my other feelings?

I really don't know what to do and would really like some advice.