I need solid advice about my dilema...please

[25yearsmlc]

I posted another post to you about making the most of the opportunity that your visit to where the girls are, is gone...wth?

SO I get that the Home is going and you are in new place. I hope your place has room for your d's to stay when they visit you. Has to be a priority.

Please avoid ALL money and R talk with your d's.


You tell them it's between you & wife, b/c you don't want them to get involved. Stress the things that won't change FOR THEM in the event of a divorce (don't say the word divorce so much as 'no matter what')

and that you will always be available as will your w, and that you both love them very much. In my case, I knew I would not make my girls move for at least 2 years, so our then d16 could graduate from HS and neither d would have to move or switch schools...this meant a great deal to them. It basically addressed their worst fears. Try to do the same for yours.

At a deep level, even older kids want to be taken care of and protected by thier parents, and this divorce must have rocked their world. They need a lot of reassurance. They lost the family home, and had to move right?

Reassure them that all will be well, you are looking forward to the next chapter of your life, and not to worry, etc.
Oh and isn't w about to work more hours? I'd think so

If you feel unfairly "attacked" by them, (worst case scenario) say that you are "sorry they recall/see things that way"....and change the subject...But if there is some validity to what they say, then

you say "If I had a do over, I would do a lot of things differently" --b/c no one can argue with that.

And it's honest. It validates their perception but shows that you are "getting it".

Remember to show them the new you, b/c the d's WILL tell your w what they see.

Remember that no mother is unmoved by the loving interaction of her children, with their father. Be the best dad you can be. It's a turn on, seriously.

Look your best, be upbeat, with a PMA and show the d's (W too if she is there) show that

Marriage to you now, would be different than before.

Ultimately, she has to believe that, or you'll never reconcile.

Remember the 180s, remember this is YOUR CHANCE to show those off

-of course without making it obvious that you want them to notice b/c you don't want to appear as if you are using tactics to get her back

but rather, that the real changes you've made, are real, lasting and made for you....can you tell me what those will be?

Good luck