Cyrena and Twink, as ever i am touched by the kindness of poeple just stopping by. Thank you.
Twink - yes, without wanting to do special pleading, I do think a very long marriage/relationship makes a difference, for lots of reasons. I am not saying it doesn't hurt at whatever point it happens, and hurts just as much. But the length of the history and the accumulation of shared memories after 40+ years is, as you say, not half our lives, but over two thirds of it.
I really admire you for being able to maintain a civil relationship. I tried very hard to do this, and was almost always pleasant and civil to my xh, in the face of some really outrageous behaviour!!, But he was very very hostile to me, most of the time, unless he wanted something. Interestingly he denies, or no longer remembers this hostility.
I think my detachment is OK - not perfect. It is the what I must do to live with myself that is the issue, and I realise that I must do all I can in this, recognising I am not responsible for anyone else.
Clearly I am troubled as I continue to have disturbing dreams. But I have decided that for now I would like to be able to continue these occasional pleasant email exchanges.
Cyrena - yes I understand about the abandonment issues: it is normal for someone damaged to do awaful things that drive others away, and then feel abandoned. Drunks do it all the time, and as you remark it probably comes out of emotional damage at an early age.
Again, thanks for stopping by. I just wish the dreams would stop, but I am listening to them . . . . they are usually telling me something.
