It's Over

[Denver_2010]

For what it's worth, I think this incident could have illuminated a way out of Denver's personal hell.

As terrible as the whole evening has been at least it has brought some clarity to the situation. In addition to the awful pain, I imagine it must be a bit of relief to be done with the gaslighting.

Ms. Denver seems to have used her righteous anger to justify stringing Denver along and periodically abusing him. I can completely relate to why, on some level, Denver may feel that going along with that for awhile was a kind of amends he was making for his failures in the marriage. In my view that can be put to an end now.

Your post made a lot of sense to me ED. A way out of my hell? Yeah, I think that what has happened has given me an opportunity to reverse my W's righteous anger and her justification for stringing me along. It may not turn out the way that I hope, with reconciliation of M, but I no longer feel that I owe amends for my behavior in my M. I need to keep up the changes that I have been working on for sure. But I have suffered enough for my transgressions in my M.

In my opinion, every word Denver says now will just delay the day she puts her head in her hands and says 'what have I done?'.

I take it that you think that I should back away and have no contact with W as well ED? As 25 pointed out, that is the consensus. It is also how I plan to proceed. Will W come to the point that she puts her head in her hands and says 'what have I done?' I think so... eventually. I really do. I just don't know if I am still around for her to fix it.

I think if he leaves her alone, files, and solidifies himself, she may well come back. Just my take.

Part of me hopes that you are right. Part of me doesn't care at this point. I do plan on leaving her alone and working towards solidifying myself. If she comes back, then I have a choice to make. I guess that I will simply cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

It might be possible, given your somewhat shared view that the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, to just walk away without filing and keep your credibility. If you think you can, I would recommend that option.

In my view absolutely nothing good can come from further contact with your wife right now. I hope you will stop and give both yourselves time to process what's happened here.

I think Jack's correct, re-set your clock to 90 days and take a series of deep, deep breathes.

I think that I have to walk away without filing papers for now. That may be a hit to my credibility. But I don't see that I have a viable choice bc I am not ready to file for D. My credibility and coming across as manipulative is just a chance that I'm going to have to take. Hopefully W will see it for what it is, me saying things that I didn't necessarily mean when I was upset.

I agree. No contact for the time being. Again, no choice IMO.

I'm going to reset the clock to at least 30 days and maybe up to 90 before I contemplate taking any big action.

In the meantime, I'm going to do my best to live my life for me and move on.

I am going to be honest and say that I am thinking about dating at this time. I am curious what others think of that idea??

I empathise deeply with your situation Denver, I'll explain why when I have more time (in a criminal trial myself right now) and I'm wishing you the best.

I would love to hear your story ED and why you relate to my situation. When you have the chance.

thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate it man!

Denver