It's Over

[25yearsmlc]

Denver,

CS's post, among others, is spot on. Denver, I know you are a good man...but

This "timeline" of [i]yours[/i] for how long it'll take HER to change her heart... is BS.

There's a fine line between a boundary and being controlling. Try to find it.

Sometimes, Hope can be paralyzing. That's when you spend your time "waiting"

but as CS points out you do NOT have to be "waiting"...Change, work on you, and stop the whole "how long am I waiting?" Mantra. (Get a new mantra!)

If it turns out that you cannot forgive this, or get past it, or let go of the fact that she is with OM, no one will judge you.

It's a deal breaker for some people, and some of us don't know what the dealbreakers are til we smash into them, face first. Then we say, "oh damn, THIS is MY dealbreaker...here..."

We get it. It's just that you need to make sure that's what it is, as opposed to the pride and punishing aspects (present in all of us).

Timeline??? FTR, I was sep for 2 years with some confusing touch & go's...I mean, come on Man....it's been what? 1/4 of that?

I had 2 girls at home and h was 3000 miles away and we had NO CONTACT for days at a time, til he came out of the fog...(that was about 16 months into it.)

The no contact for 7 days, will be harder for you than you expect.
You asked what it would do for you or the situation?

And I think Eric asked the real question, which is what will MORE of this contact do?

You seem to think "this time" you'll say the right thing and it will go well. But you are not ready and God knows she's not.

She's too angry now. So are you. Do you really think contacting her soon will somehow make things better? Why? Have you revamped your whole persona and outlook? I doubt it.

Of course it needs to be longer, but I'm being real. You do it one day or 1 week, at a time.

And then maybe, you renew. Like 90 days of DBing...now you do the No contact for a week...SHELVE THE NEED TO REACH OUT TO HER...FOR NOW...

at least it is something...different, and if you want "the consensus" it's that no contact now is mandatory.

Though there were some backslides, for me the no contact was overall, easier with time, as you adjust to NOT having her in your everyday life.


You must do that. It's real, it is what it is.
And she needs to see this perhaps even more than you...

As for where or who you'll be when you reach "the other side" of this, in a way, I can't wait to find out.

I think you will be "Denver, at his best".