It's Over

[Denver_2010]

A few problems with not being LBS crazy anymore, is it's easy to tell someone NOT to be LBS crazy.

Oh yeah Jack. I've been there. I was warning others and shaking my head when they didn't listen back in January, February and March. Good times not being LBS crazy.

I am now though. I admit it.

It is impatience, ego, pride... all of it.

In my defense though, this is much worse than merely thinking it could be happening as I was in December and January. And much worse than knowing 'it did happen and now it's over' as I did in February, March, April and May. This is 'it IS happening' ...

While I'm watching t.v. minding my own business in my own home... W may be f'ing OM. While I lay in bed trying to go to sleep, what is W doing with OM? Etc. Etc. AND everyone here who has a W in an active A knows what I'm talking about. As does anyone who has gone through it.

My ego and pride are strong influences on me right now. I don't know if I can go through this without removing myself from W's life and doing my best to detach... and maybe even do things that make me feel that I have done to her what she is doing to me.... THESE are my thoughts right now.

Not all of it...needs to be followed through, not all of it was logical.

I assume that you are talking about my threat to file for D Jack. I'm not going to. At least not right now. But is it a hit to my credibility with W? Does it confirm her view that I was trying to control her?

Probably. I have to live with that I guess. The alternative isn't doable right now. At least it isn't the right thing to do. Not now. Bc I am unsure.

many days are left on your counter that you set up when you were logical?

60. I have decided to wait at least 30 before I do anything and possibly restart the 90 days. In the meantime, no contact with W? Go dark? Where does that get me?

"Everyone gets one big f-ck up, Jack. Now does that mean one night? Or one person until they wake up? Well that's up to you to determine."

To determine what 1 f-ck up means.

I don't know. It is a very valid question. I think that I am definitely struggling with the fact that there has been this 3 month interlude between her original A, where we spent lots of time together, and now. I am struggling to accept that after those 3 months, she is back doing this. Is that the same single F'up? I guess that I just don't know.

I'm sure that someday, I could look back on it and view it as the same singular f'up. It doesn't seem that way now. That is the problem.

Own your part in what happened.

Did you break in?

Uhhh...yeah you did. Don't lawyer weasel out of the wording.

LOL... break in might be a little strong still Jack. Did I get into the house through deceit and chicanery? Probably, yes. LOL. I own it. I don't regret it though.


Thanks Jack
Denver