Beatrice, I've been off the boards for a while, partly because there is nothing happening with my H that I can't handle, and partly because I am in the middle of a series of big family events that require a lot of my time and attention. But I did check in tonight for some reason, and read the last few days of your thread.
Although I am not as far along post-S as you, and our situations are dissimilar in some other important respects, we are both dealing with the loss of a longer relationship at a later stage of life than most here. I just want to say that I completely understand your desire to respond in some way to your XH's reaching out to you a bit.
I know that, for me, I spent 2/3 of my life, and all of my adult life, with my H before he left, and I cannot and will not deny the many happy memories, nor the realization that we both made compromises, made mistakes, and caused hurt to each other during those 40 years together. I decided quite early into this that I would do everything possible to maintain a civil and respectful relationship with H, if not a friendship, for both myself and my children, and am happy to say that we have been able to do that so far.
I would suggest that you base your decisions about responding to XH's overtures on two things -- how well you can maintain your detachment, and what you must do to live with yourself. For me, this has been a balancing act with every interaction, with the equilibrium changing constantly, but I've usually managed to find a way that works for both.
I believe I truly do understand all of the forces working on you right now, and as difficult and contradictory as they may seem, I have every confidence that you will find your way through them!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
