Dude, so sorry for your sitch. I haven't posted in a while but wanted to lend my support to a fellow LBS.
This is hard, so hard. I will tell you what has worked for me in my sirch. I left her alone. One day back in November my W told the MC and I that she needed time. That she could not help me with my pain. That it was something I had to deal with on my own.
And I have not brought up the EA or OM since. Have I snooped? Or as J3B says, "trust but verify". Darn right I have. Checked her cell, email, keylogger, followed her, checked to make sure she was at work. I have done it all and she has never let me down or made me think that I have reason to doubt her committment to work on our M.
Which brings me to Denver. If I found what you have found (OM sleeping with W) during my snooping, I would have reacted the same.
No one here is pointing out the fact that there are consequences to bad behavior. SHE IS DOING THE WRONG THING! There is no denying that. It is NOT your fault that she is committing adultry! She can blame you all she wants. And she will. And I believe that you feel her actions are your fault. They are not!
Has she done hurtful things in her past? I'm sure she has. Should she be punished for it over and over? Of course not.
You are 100% right when you talk about not tolerating an open marriage. She IS being unreasonable when she expects you to wait for her while she F***s other men. Talk about cake eating, HOLY SH!T!!!
It's time to be the new Denver to someone new. Go out and date or just make some new female friends. You don't even know if your W is your best option at this point. She very well may not be. Time to open your eyes to new possibilities.
She has given you no choice IMHO...
Good luck brother...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
