My perspective is different and perhaps that is because of my current reconnection with H. However, I can't help but wonder about all the positives in having open communication between you. This is not to say there would be anything more than just open communication. However, with most of your life spent together, children and future grandchildren I would think this is positive.
Can you do this and remain totally detached? No. Is there the potential for further hurt? Yes. Will H ever be able to hurt in the way he has in the past? No. You will be in a self protection mode.
We are in reconnection slowly but surely. We have some communication most days. I am definitely in self protection mode and H is too. Today this feels good and I am living for today. Today I have a bowl of chowder for lunch that I didn't make myself and a friend who knows me oh so well.
Life threatening illness teaches us (Well taught me) that life is too short to keep looking in the rear vision mirror. The past is a helpful teacher but that's about all.
