I am starting a new thread (last one was: He left me again).
Even though H took HIS own computer/office stuff last night, I had to come get online today. I have recent news to break that I have been praying for. So this may be a long post, sorry!
I didnt expect it, however after not responding to H all this past week (unless necessary) and by placing boundaries, and being rather distant and unfriendly, and stopping the enabling behaviors. I could tell that H was starting to pursue me more.
I continued this throughout yesterday and it was heart-breakingly hard to do. However; it appeared to work a bit in my favor.
H text me again yesterday to borrow a dresser and schifarobe for his new place, I knew it would be enabling to let him take or borrow them, so I had to be stern and say NO. Right after, He text me and said that he understood and no problem and thanks.
Then he text me about 15 min. later and we had this text conversation:H: It just occured to me that I need to stop drinking becuase it has destroyed my life. I am sorry for the pain I have caused onto you, I am ashamed. Me: I am here for you in any way if you want help with that. I have been going to alanon and some AA meetings myself. Dont be sorry, be proud! H: Thank you for being there. I think I can go cold turkey. Glad to hear your getting help too. Better Late than never I suppose. Me: Good Luck and be strong. If you find yourself struggling please dont be afraid to reach out to me:) I will do anything to help. I will leave you an AA book on the table that you can have to guide you if you want it. H: Ok, thank you for your support, have fun at bowling! Me: Thanks, I will! H (10 minutes later): I think our M is still probably over. It doesnt seem natural anymore. Too much misplaced trust and anger issues. Me: We both have a lot of healing to do. One day at a Time! H: Right. Healing. I need to pray on that. Me: To let go and to Let God is the best thing we can do right now, Take Care! H: You Too!
Sooooo,I know not to get my hopes up too much. This could all be just words. However, I know my H well enough to know that it was heart felt and that he is very down and out right now. I am not pursuing him at all still and will sit back and watch from a distance. Did i handle this situation ok?
I am very happy to see that he did take the AA book from the table when I got home from bowling and only took another few small neccessities fror his office and some clothes, but not everything(and only things that were his).And, he has not given me any paper work yet either. I am taking that as a good sign.
He is a reader, so I imagine the book will be looked at with open eyes, however he is not the type to speak out to others about his problems so I dont see him finding AA meetings anytime soon.
If anyone has suggestions for me as to what to expect or how to DB from here on out, I am all ears. I dont feel like I should be pursing him, but I also dont feel like I need to be using the LRT anymore. Maybe I can be more frindly now??? TIPPER p.s. Today, I also got called back to my old H.S. that I worked at for 8 yrs. for a 1/2 time p.e. teacher position this fall. And unfrotunately we are taking my uncle off life support tonight as he has been in a coma for a week from a severe multiple stroke. This 24 hours , I feel like a yo-yo!
